Parenting a young child while widowed - anyone else out there doing this?

I'm 48 and my daughter is six. My husband and I adopted her (from China) when she was 14 mos. Old and five mos.

Later he was diagnosed with lung cancer. 2 years and three months later he died, and six mos. After that my mother (my biggest and only nonpaid support system) died.

Is there anyone out there with similar circumstances? I'm not wallowing or feeling sorry for myself, but it seems like a rather unique situation to me. She has alot of issues that affect her behavior and moods - lots of abandonment.

My husband's been gone for two years, she was not quite four when he died, and to me it seems like the worse age for a child to lose a parent, too young to understand what has happened, but old enough to have it affect them. Then of course my moods affect her moods, so it's hard for me to process my grief. I have a therapist, but that's just every other week (so does she).

We are doing OK and doing better, but I'm always looking for someone who's literally 'been there, done that". Asked by mattaponi 56 months ago Similar Questions: Parenting young child widowed Recent Questions About: Parenting young child widowed Family > Parenting.

Similar Questions: Parenting young child widowed Recent Questions About: Parenting young child widowed.

My heart goes out to you. I wish I had some kind of wonderful and really helpful answer that could fix everything, but I don't. What I do have is just a story of a very dear friend who found herself in a similar situation.

My friend fell in love with the man who would become her husband when they met in her country where he was working, and after much to do, finally, she was able to legally join him in the States (his home) to get married and begin their lives together. She struggled with language and customs, but he was always there for her as her rock. They had two beautiful children together just as cute as could be, and you could feel the love in their home.

The children were 4 years old and 1 year old when cancer finally took him from their lives. Devastating. No kinder word for it.

As a close friend of theirs, I helped wherever I could, but I knew that my own experiences with grief were nothing compared to the kind of loss she faced. Mine was so different. In fact, for everyone grief takes its own path.

Today, two and a half years later, she can finally speak about the man they loved openly and share stories with the children even though it had been too painful in the beginning, and I know that they will find their way together as a different kind of family. Though none of them wished to be, each of them are strong, strong people who will overcome many things because they were able to make it through this slow process that will never truly be over, just a little easier with time. I think it's good that you are seeing someone and your daughter as well.

You have a lot on your plate, and losing your mom on top is just not fair. I tried to find another word, but, yep, not fair. My friend was fortunate enough to find a group of others, mostly women, who also were in the same situation, and the bonds made there have helped more than anything I could have said or done for her.

I don't know where you live, but I do hope that there is a group like that in your community for both you and for your daughter. I found this awhile back somewhere on bereavementmag.com/ (some of the other articles and resources there may be of help, too), and it always struck me, so I'll share:Widow Watching Widow"Fine," I hear her say. "I'm just fine.

"And mourners hug her shoulders,Pat her hand. I stand near the coffeeand watch the gathering. Her smile falters;Her composure is complete,A feat, I think, of fear and fatigue.

How can I warn herThat the numbness leavesAnd agony becomes one's bedfellowAs anger roosts in the breast? Now is not the bestTime for reality. But when the friends and familyHave all gone away,And her house is nakedIn its emptiness,Then, then I'll visit --For tea, and trust, and truthtelling.

-- Janet Muller Benway, Bereavement Magazine , March/April 2003Bereavement Publishing, Inc. (888-604-4673) Sources: My experience.

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I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.