TH Family: Bill Kaulitz self harm?

I can totally relate to how you feel because I felt the same way at 1 point and time in my life. Where you feel like you have to have a permanent smile on your face just to appease others and so you don't have to be questioned by everyone asking "whats the matter?". When I was younger that was me always happy and hyper and from looking at me on the outside you would think that nothing was wrong but on the inside I felt like I was wearing a shell and pushing every other emotion I had deep down inside me.

I used to cut but not to kill myself ( a lot of people make the mistake of thinking that people that cut themselves want to die or are suicidal, but they're not). I did it for an emotional release. After I cut myself I would feel so much better like nothing in the world could bother me.

I will be completely honest with you this is definitely NOT the way to go. I hate talking to counselors, therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists to me they are just getting paid to sit there and try to understand how people feel and are going by the books on how to resolve issues, instead of having personal experience and relating with people. If you feel like this is the best way to go, I would say gop for it or try talking with a friend or a close family member that might be a good listener and can relate with you on some level.

From my experience I will tell you it is not a good thing to let emotions just bottle up inside because they will turn into an explosion of emotions eventually in wich you will not be able to control, after time went on for me not letting my emotions out and just cutting myself I started getting reallly angry at people that did not deserve it, I started becoming very rebellious and just stopped caring about everything and everyone. What I did (because I don't like counselors and etc.) was I found a spot where I could cry by myself (because like you I won't cry in front of other people), I would write in a journal, I started standing up for myself and I started confronting people when they hurt me. I also started to try and figure myself out, like when I figured out that a lot of my mental anguish was caused by my father I started finding ways to deal with that whether it being me forgiving him (even if it wasnt to his face) giving him chance after chance after chance, avoiding him or confronting him about issues that really stuck in my head.

I basically found my own path in life I made my descisions for myself instead of other people trying to make them for me. Sorry I went on a crazy tanjent but I just wanted to let you know your not alone there are others but you will get through it you just need to find what is causing you pain in your life and figure out a way around it. I hope this was some what helpful even though its a little off topic.

You are depressed. Completely normal. Most people experience this at least once in their life.

The sadness can be overwhelming at times. The best thing you can do is talk to someone about it. A school guidance councilor could help you get control of your feelings without having to share your experience with friends or family.

Good luck getting past this rough spot.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.