Want to read an excerpt from the novel I'm working on?

First off, here’s what I like—no. Here’s what I LOVE: You have a wide range of vocabulary (Use the thesaurus much?), you vary your sentence types (which makes your writing flow BEAUTIFULLY), and your grammar is SPECTACULAR. Well done!

I do, however, have a few suggestions that I think would help you improve your writing. Just remember that these are SUGGESTIONS! This is your story, so you can either take what I say to heart or scrap it in the garbage.

You make the ultimate decisions here. :) Write like your character would speak. I’m not sure how old your character is (I’m guessing early teens?), but I don’t know many people who would say “pattered,” “it became apparent,” “dour,” “garnered,” or “permeating.”

Don’t get me wrong: It all sounds literary and fancy…but that’s part of the problem. Although this type of language might be nice for essays, you don’t need your character to sound so formal. A story—especially when written in first person—should mirror the main character’s thoughts.

In fact, some books even go as far as to write in accents and slang from the time era. You see, most of your story will NOT be dialogue or thoughts written in italics; the bulk of your book will be descriptions. That means that even your descriptions should sound like your character speaking.

Think of it like this: the way a three-year-old would describe a flower isn’t the same way a botanical expert would. This is the same thing. Find your character’s voice and let it shine through.

Beware of unnecessary words/repeated phrases. For instance, “smiling a toothless grin” is repetitive because “smile” and “grin” are synonyms. You describe the sky as “sapphire blue” twice.

When you say both “scents” and “smell” here, “saltwater scents sifted into the smell of the city,” it sounds awkward. Be specific so your readers don’t get lost. As an example, you might want to switch the “her” in this sentence (“The girl pattered up the stone floor and slipped it from her hand.”) to “Pilar” because it took me a moment to realize who you were talking about.

Make sure you keep your paragraphs and thoughts organized. Whenever the scene switches to something new, start a new paragraph. So in your second paragraph, after you’re done describing Wilma’s toothless grin, press “enter.”

Why? You’re on to a new subject; your main character “turned away” to focus on something else. Adjectives and adverbs don’t always make the best descriptions.

Confused? Check out this page on my blog for further explanation: http://thewritersguide.wordpress.com/201... I’m sorry…I have to cut this short (and I had to delete a few sentences) because I don’t have enough room. :( But you already have a great start on this!

I hope my suggestions will help you. Happy writing!

It doesn't sound like it's from a novel :/ It needs a different style, if you can change that. Good luck!

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.