What to do? My daughter in-law does like our family and doesn't want to spend time with us. So our son doesn't either?

My daughter in-law does like our family and doesn't want to spend time with us. So our son doesn't either. Asked by MaMoo 11 months ago Similar questions: daughter in law family spend time son Society > Religion & Spirituality.

Similar questions: daughter in law family spend time son.

This is a matter that your son should handle. He needs to stand up for himself, and speak for himself - and on your behalf. You cannot blame this entirely on your daughter in law.

Your son is just as guilty in this as she is. And really, if your DIL doesn't visit you, there is nothing stopping your son from coming on his own to vist without her.

This is true but he doesn't do anything without asking her and only doing what she wants. So when they come to visits they stay with her parents for a week and maybe come in to visit us for the day. I know he needs to stand up for himself but doesn't.

We think is sad that he has to live his life this way but it was his choice. It just makes us sad because we miss having our son around for Holidays and visits. Thanks for the advice.

MaMoo 11 months ago .

Well, you are right. He could stand up for himself, and not have to live this way. But that doesn't make it hurt less, I know.

Yep It does hurt but life goes on. I do have another son that needs my attention and other family members. I need to focus on whats good.

Thanks MaMoo 11 months ago .

I think it's kind of up to you to at least try to make things better, if you want to spend time with them. You are the older person, and the one with the need to see your son. Her life is probably easier not having to deal with her husband's family, so she has less at stake here.

What is the relationship worth to you? Are you willing to compromise, and try to help her feel comfortable with your family? It won't be easy, I'm sure.

But nothing can be done without knowing what has caused this situation in the first place.

Oh There is a past of hurt feelings. When they decided to get married at a young age 21 and 22 still in college. It was a worst timing.

You see my husband brother was dying of cancer of the jaw. It was horrible way to die. Not only this my husband and I was laid off from our jobs.No income.

We wanted them to wait but they did not want to. So this means we could only give them portion of what the cost of the wedding. Her Mother was not happy about this and told me that I was selfish to my face.

It really hurt us that they were not more understanding. We can only give what we had.So now we they come home which both parents live in the same town they stay at her families home and visits us only for a short time. Our son doesn't even call us.

On several occasion I've ask her to do things with but always get turn down.So I'm at the point of not asking anymore. I'm tired of being disappointed. I don't know what is so wrong with us.

I have a great relationship with my own mother in-law. She great! I Love our son and want this relationship to work out.

I think time is the answer. MaMoo 11 months ago .

I'm a daughter in law with a mother in law who probably feels the same way but it is not my fault at all. I try to encourage my husband to see his mother and visit without me around because I can tell that she hates me. She makes every visit extremely uncomfortable by being too fakey and over the top perfectionist.

I don't think my husband listens to me when I tell him to visit his mother because I think he knows that she does not like me. Anytime I tell him to visit her his exact response is, "A, you are trying to make me have a closer relationship with my mom than I want. I respect that you are close to your mother but in my opinion I have spent the past 20 or so years with her and now I want to spend my time with you." .

I am sure my mother in law would likely not understand why and it would probably hurt her feelings if she knew what he said but as a daughter in law stuck in the same tug of war I know it may be difficult but you can't blame your daughter in law. It's misguided blame and comparable to blaming a cheating spouses single mistress who had no clue that she was married in the first place. She isn't the liar and he should get the blame.In fact, I truly believe if I told my husband that he shouldn't see his family I know it would drive a wedge and I'm pretty sure that is the same in all marriages.

You can't drive a person away from their family and your son is probably like my husband.. A man, not realizing that it hurts your feelings and if it does hurt your feelings then it is your place to be open with him about that. Trust me, you catch a lot more flies with honey than with vinegar. Anyways, I think my situation is getting better because I finally convinced my husband (after several talks and a few years) that he should visit with his mother without me around this Mother's Day.

God knows if she is so stupid jealous of me now then it'll only get worse after our kids come which we are already in very serious talks about. And I will not share Mother's Day with neither my "mom" or his mom because it will be my time and that is the natural order.

He probably still won't see her on his own accord because he just simply does not want the same close relationship with his parents as I have with mine. At some point, he either needs to start or my mother in law needs to grow a thicker skin and realize he is starting his own family. In my opinion, I don't see why she is so bothered by it because she moved over halfway across the country and I'm sure she wasn't in constant correspondance with her own family.

And why because that is what is natural. It isn't natural to have a grown adult who is able to provide for themselves being dependent on their family! That is not the way.

And in my mother in laws case you might say: "What comes around, goes around! "Either way, I'll never like her because of the tension and stress that embodies her. She lives in a constant state of addrenaline and it may be sad but it serves as her own natural propellant because people don't want to be around her when she puts on an act.

I just hope ,for your sake, that you are not like my mother in law because if you are then your son will probably never come around which is sad. We only get so much time on earth to make things right and I doubt I will ever have a relationship with my mother in law because she is so controlling, stubborn, and always has "yes" people around her so even when she is completely out of line no one could get through to her since she believes and hears what she wants....You can read this and think I'm vindictive towards my mother in law but the truth is that I have seen for my own eyes her correspondance with my other in laws and any woman who would dare make statements such as "There will be a lot of jokes behind closed doors. " on a brides wedding day is petty and jealous.

That is exactly what my mother in law did to me and more which my husband knows. So hopefully my mother in law would never question why her son does not want to see her instead she is be asking herself why should he want to see me with the way I treat the only woman who showed him what true loves really is. We don't pick our parents but we pick our spouse and if she has even an ounce of dignity (my mother in law) then she would respect his decision and she would stop disrespecting his wife!

Whatever happens, I wish you luck with getting through to your son but for heaven sakes don't follow in my mother in laws footsteps because you'll only push your pride and joy away.

My mother in law complained about paying for a part in my wedding even though she is Self Employed and was making money at the time unless she is fooling everyone and is really really in debt. Anyways, my mother in law takes the freaking cake when it comes to selfish, immature mother in laws who don't know how to act their wage! It's a ridiculous situation and she's ridiculous to be around.

She actually had the nerve to ask my husband if I posted about her on a damn hater site. You know what his response to me was, "Wow honey, you'll never believe how low my mother is. She visited a hate site to read and probably post hateful things about you and she had the nerve to ask me if you were on that site.

I wanted to ask her "What the hell were you doing on that site mom? " But I didn't because it would probably make her mad. " It is the lamest thing I think she's ever done and that is saying a lot because there is probably a lot more that she has done to stir the pot than I truly know about.

Also, she probably does not have the gall to be truthful of her part in driving a wedge in the relationship she has with her son because she wants to live in a fantasy world where she can blame me for everything. Unfortunately for her, I'm not a freaking martyr and I will stand up to anyone who chooses to spread lies about me to feed their inferior ego! .

I could go on and on about my mother in law but I think I'll stop here. She has just made my life a living hell nightmare since I married my husband when I was 21! Most of the in laws in my family are wussies and won't call her out because she is almost 60 and is supposedly so fragile.

Well if she is so fragile and I'm such an instigator of everything why is it that she has had the nerve to push and tug every bit of genuine love and understanding for her right out of me. I mean she has chewed me up and spat me out. I have felt so sorry for her in the past, I have worried about how this will affect my future children (her grandchildren), and I have done so much apologizing (for things that I shouldn't be sorry for like ---how I feel---my emotions!) till I am blue in the face.

Finally, I decided that I was done. I was done letting her control me. I was done listening to all her "yes" people.

She has treated me like complete SH-- since we got engaged and she acknowledges none of her part in what went wrong. Instead, I am expected to lay down and die and I will not do that anymore! She run me through the mill and I have more respect for myself than to keep putting myself in harms way just because she wants to play little manipulative psychological games!

I'm playing a new kind of game. It is called pick up what is left of my self respect and rebuild without her. I have forgiven her but I will never forget the pain and anguish I have lived with for so long!

.

The way you've described him sounds just like my very own sibling, whom is controlled almost completely by his demon girlfriend (if demons exist, she's one of them), I've tried every approach from being a nice brother to being an angry brother and making ultimatums like "I'll never speak to you again", etc. But because he was a virgin when he first was with her, she was able to get inside his head a lot easier, and make him believe that he would never be able to get a girl better than her (lol he totally could). If you find a solution to your problem, let me know because right now the only solution I can think of is when she dies of old age (thats when I'll get my sibling back, yay!) .

Sometime I wonder but no he graduate as a honor student. He is nice looking too. He has gained weight only after he was married.

I think this is his first love and he can't see beyond her. They both don't have much for friends. So they are really into each other and nothing else matters.

I think this will get old and they trouble will starts. I'm just standing back and I'll be here for him when he needs me. What else is a Mom to do.

Then maybe I'll get my son back too. Good luck to you with your Bro. MaMoo 11 months ago .

NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE! Why do the atheists seem to spend so much time in the religion category. " "Why isn't Religion & Spirituality listed under Main categories?

I didn't realize the category existed. " "TV show title? Teen genre.

Family, older son (skateboarder), daughter, younger son. Father dreams of opening restaurant. " "My daughter in law does everything possible to separate us from her family.

Does anyone have an idea for resolving this? " "Is this by Walt Whitman? Note the bearing on the current threads re 'organized religion' as contrasted w/ spirituality." "What's happening when you're son, daughter inlaw and family shun you?

" "Religion & Spirituality" "If you are the mother of a divorced daughter, do you miss your ex son-in-law? " "Your 'Change category' does not work. You put my 'computer' question into 'Religion & Spirituality.

'" "how do I deal with a son-n law, who told my daughter he doesn't want me in his f***** HOUSE. I miss my 15mth. Old grandson.

NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE! Why do the atheists seem to spend so much time in the religion category.

Teen genre. Family, older son (skateboarder), daughter, younger son. Father dreams of opening restaurant.

My daughter in law does everything possible to separate us from her family. Does anyone have an idea for resolving this?

Note the bearing on the current threads re 'organized religion' as contrasted w/ spirituality.

Your 'Change category' does not work. You put my 'computer' question into 'Religion & Spirituality.

How do I deal with a son-n law, who told my daughter he doesn't want me in his f***** HOUSE. I miss my 15mth. Old grandson.

I'm a daughter in law with a mother in law who probably feels the same way but it is not my fault at all. I try to encourage my husband to see his mother and visit without me around because I can tell that she hates me. She makes every visit extremely uncomfortable by being too fakey and over the top perfectionist.

I don't think my husband listens to me when I tell him to visit his mother because I think he knows that she does not like me. Anytime I tell him to visit her his exact response is, "A, you are trying to make me have a closer relationship with my mom than I want. I respect that you are close to your mother but in my opinion I have spent the past 20 or so years with her and now I want to spend my time with you."

Alexa07 52 months ago.

The way you've described him sounds just like my very own sibling, whom is controlled almost completely by his demon girlfriend (if demons exist, she's one of them), I've tried every approach from being a nice brother to being an angry brother and making ultimatums like "I'll never speak to you again", etc. But because he was a virgin when he first was with her, she was able to get inside his head a lot easier, and make him believe that he would never be able to get a girl better than her (lol he totally could). If you find a solution to your problem, let me know because right now the only solution I can think of is when she dies of old age (thats when I'll get my sibling back, yay!) Anonymous_User 60 months ago.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.