WHAT WOULD YOU DO... if you decide you want children and your Dr. tells you that your genetics & your spouse's/mate's?

Genetic testing is a reality.... also there are some studies on genetic altering...i.e. The choice to have a boy or girl...as well as tested on animals... would you opt for genetic testing to make your final decision? What would you do?

Asked by CALIDEE_MOO! 46 months ago Similar questions: decide children Dr tells genetics spouse's mate's Science.

Similar questions: decide children Dr tells genetics spouse's mate's.

I would adopt. Being a parent is SOOO much more than genetics. Yes, I would opt for genetic testing.

I did not have to with my 2 kids because neither I nor my wife's family had a history of genetic disorders. There is no way to alter your alleles (forms of genes that you carry) by diet, herbs, or anything else. What would be necessary is getting into the sperm and ovum and changing the alleles.

That isn't possible now. I personally would not risk a major birth defect in a child. However, I can understand and empathize with people who would choose to take that risk.

However, for that to be an ethical choice, the couple must have thought about the consequences and be willing to do whatever it takes to parent a child with a birth defect! One reason I would not risk it is because I would never be sure enough of the future to be sure that I and my spouse would be able to honor that committment. For me, it's not about the parent being selfish or unselfish.It's about the welfare of the child.

That is what being a parent is all about: placing the welfare of the child above your own most of the time. You are responsible for raising that child to be a well-adjusted competent adult. Children with major genetic disorders can be well-adjusted competent adults, but is it really necessary to subject an individual to Tay Sachs or Duchenne's Muscular Dystrophy just so you can be a parent?

Especially when adoption is an alternative. Parenting isn't about having an individual with your alleles.It's about loving another individual and raising that individual through all the trials and tribulations of childhood to be that well-adjusted competent adult. You can have all the experiences of parenting with an adopted child: the stinky diaper, watching him/her spend a whole hour just trying to turn over for the first time (and failing that time), having them pump their fists in triumph at their first time sitting up, the first day of school, helping with homework, being a band parent, watching them go on their first date, etc. It's all fun and very rewarding.

I have loved being a parent and have enjoyed all the stages (my kids are in their 20s now). But that experience didn't depend in the least on having them by my genetic children. If they were adopted they would be just as much "my" kids..

Being selfish, unless you can afford it. If you realize that you or your mate have a fair chance (say, 5-10% chance) that your child will be born with a genetic problem that will seriously affect their health or quality of life.... if you have the funds to take care of their needs without public assistance and you understand the devotion it will take from both of you to give the child a good life,... then roll the dice and enjoy the gamble that is procreation. If you have a 5% chance of having a child with health problems, and you are already living paycheck to paycheck or in a bad relationship?

Don't do it. I have several genetic defects and a couple health defects that settled on me later (Atrial Septal Defect, Klippel-Treanauny-Webber’s Syndome, shortened achilles tendon, weak immune system and developed severe asthma at 5) I have a high chance of also passing one or more of these on to my children. That, in and of itself, is a good reason for me to not have children.

I have struggled with my illnesses and health problems and unless I were a millionaire, I would feel uncomfortable having a child in case I couldn’t adequately take care of their needs. My mom could have afforded another healthy child, but she didn’t expect a child that would cost her millions of dollars in hospital bills. I am blessed with not WANTING children, combined with my lack of interest in passing on my genetic mutations.

I do not understand the NEED that some people have to not only raise a child, but to have a child of their own genetic material to grow in their own womb. If I decided to become a parent in the future, I would probably turn toward 1. Helping family members raise their children 2.

Child mentoring group 3. Foster care and possible adoption. I believe there are tons of healthy AND sick kids already born who do not have access to a REAL parental figure, who need care, compassion and guidance.

There are lots of parents who need time away from their children to rekindle their personal relationships and individual freedom. I mean, for someone who wants to be a parent, there are lots of options above and beyond your genetic material being birthed from your body to be taken care of. But again, if you have the emotional, mental, support and fiscal resources to do JUST THAT and risk the chance of giving birth to a child who is not healthy and never will be,... well, that ensures that no matter what, the child will have the best chance at a happy and healthy life, no matter what genetic defects/illnesses they may/may not have.

And that is what a parent is supposed to do, right? I just highly doubt that most people understand the DEEP pockets you need in America to take care of a sick child... and that fiscal and emotional strain may do anything from make your family homeless, let your child die because you cannot afford what s/he needs, break up your marriage to make you resent your decision to have a child or resent your child’s EXISTENCE. Is that a selfish gamble?Possibly.

But you don’t know until you do it. If I did want to have a child, genetic testing of the fetus would certainly help ensure I had the healthiest child possible... but you should only take the "risk" if you are willing to abort fetuses you could NOT afford to raise. Otherwise, if you werent willing to raise a sick child, you would just be foisting it into the foster system as if it were a broken toy.

How many are willing to take that gamble? Make that choice? Not many, I would hope..

This is very hard to answer. I would have answered differently at different stages of my life. Answering now, from the point of view of a mother with special needs children and a teacher of students with special needs I will give a very direct realistic answer.

If genetic testing had told me about the disabilities my three children have, I would have had them anyway. Now if genetic testing had told me (prior to conception) that I was certain to have a child with more debilitating disabilities I might have refrained from having children. I can say with certainty that having once concieved I would never have aborted.

The fact is that no matter how loving some parents are, having children with severe special needs is beyond most. I would never advocate aborting but there has to be some intelligence and fore thought employed before jumping into the gene pool. If a couple is aware that their genetic combination will produce children with a crippling disorder, they must think of the life they would be creating and the responsibilities they would be incurring.

I see so many parents who struggle with having a child with a mild learning disability or ADD. Those disorders are mild by special education standards. Now enter the family dealing with a child with cerebral palsy, severe autism, severe/profound intellectual disabilities etc.Very few of those families deal positively with that child.

That is not to say that the families are not good at heart. It is simply that the needs of such a child are overwhelming to most. The average parent will crumble and even super parents can burn out.

The parents I see tend toward extremes. They either baby the child into a state of helplessness that surpasses anything that could be attributed to the disability or they deny the significance of the disability and continually try to force the child into normalcy. Again, this does not mean they are bad parents.

It means they are overwhelmed and don't know how to deal with the disability. It is so easy to arm chair quarterback in these situations.It is easy to sit back and say the parent ought to this or ought to that. If the parents are not emotionally equipped to accept the child as the child is, then no amount of strategies or advice is going to help.

Lets face it.In this "I" centered world most parents are not up to the level of support a disabled child required. Some of them barely parent their "normal" children. For those who have not heard me rant before, my children are now grown.My 23 year old son was diagnosed ADD before the craze hit in the 90's.

My daughter has epilepsy and post traumatic stress disorder with cyclothymia. My youngest son is autistic. If you talk to their father and me for long you will see elements of all of the above but nothing that would lead you to predict the outcomes my children have endured.

The intensity of care contributed heavily to my divorce, although there were other factors unrelated to the children that precipitated the final decision to divorce. My entire life has been completely centered on my children for the last 23 years. The result is that the oldest is completely independent and the other two are attending college and well on their way.

Before anyone jumps up and says "oh then they must not have been that severe", stop. Don't diminish their achievements because they are succeeding. I was told to institutionalize my youngest at the age of three.

My daughter came dangerously close to life threatening experiences before the doctors and yes, parents, got things right. I can tell you that for all that success, I came very dangerously close to burning out several times. The depression, self doubt, anger and just shear pain reduced me to a dysfunctional puddle of self pity more than once.

Fortunately it was short lived. My drive to care for and support my children surpassed all other needs. This does not make me better than anyone else.

I cannot, for instance, fathom fostering children with special needs. I have been asked to repeatedly because of the success of my own children. I can't do it.

The well is dry. There are those who can go on and extend this care to others. I do it at school every day as a teacher.

I quiver at the thought of doing it again as a parent. Those that can do this for others amaze and humble me. The fact is that most parents are not emotionally equipped to go through this level of support for their children.

Our society is one that offers quick fixes for everything so most young parents lose patience very quickly when presented with a situation for which there is no "fix". Having genetic information prior to conception would definitely alter how some parents view reproduction and it should. The number of children given up to the state because the parents couldn't handle a child's disability is staggering.

It is an unfortunate reality that while the percentage of children with disabilities seems to be rising, the number of parents willing to deal constructively with those disabilities appears to be declining. Given a choice of dealing with adults who view children as disposable, otherwise good hearted adults who simply can't deal with the disabilities or preventing the situation with information prior to conception, I would take the information.It is not a complete answer to the issue but it at least makes it possible for parents to make informed decisions and increases the accountability for their actions. Sources: Life .

Wow. Lots of different factors to consider. I think I'd consider adoption - but maybe not!

This question is of great interest to me because I have a 24 year old daughter who has many psychiatric problems. My family has lots of depression, some bipolar relatives and some obsessive compulsive disorder issues; and her father’s has schizophrenia and incredible numbers of alcoholics. My daughter is bipolar, has a thing called BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) - where people believe they have terrible physical defects when in actuality they don’t, obsessive complusive disorder, was anorexic as a fifth grader, has exhibited "cutting" behavior, has burned herself with cigarettes and has frequent thoughts of suicide.

She is also an alcoholic and has blackouts where she does things not characteristic of herself (like have sex with strangers) and then doesn’t remember. Being a mother was the thing I wanted most in life, and because my ex-husband (her dad) was such a jerk (didn’t like to work) I waited a long time - we dated 5 years and were married 6 before we had a child. He still wouldn’t keep a job, but that’s another story.

I wouldn’t wish my daughter away for anything in the world. I’d literally walk through fire for her. She’s very bright (99% on the Slosson IQ test) but has trouble functioning day to day).

She is (we think) a senior in college now at age 24. She will be at least 25 when she gets her bachelor’s degree and we still don’t know how she’ll cope. She really isn’t capable of living on her own.

She can’t remember to pay bills, wash dishes, wash herself. The living conditions she allows for herself are not sanitary by any means. (one example so you don’t think I’m some neatness freak - she urinates in drinking glasses and leaves them all over her room; she sometimes also throws cigarette butts into them).

Yes, she still lives with me. Even though attending college part-time (3 classes) she is incapable of even a part-time job on top of that - it is too overwhelming. I wouldn’t ever want to go back and change history and wish my daughter had not been born, but I must admit that a lot of her life is not happy.

Recently she told me that she was calculating how much longer I’ll live because she can go ahead and kill herself after I’m gone. She won’t do it now, she says, because she knows what it would do to me. I still worry that she may kill herself when she gets very depressed - she has times when she says all she can think about is stabbing herself.

And, yes, she is under psychiatric care and has been for years. So I don’t know what the genetic issues are in your case, but I do know that not everything can be screened for. When my ex and I were planning a baby, the genetic links to alcoholism and depression, etc., were not at all well established.

But, even if they had been, I wanted a baby so badly I probably would have proceeded with the "cross your fingers" mentality. Of course, we always have the "nature vs nurture" debate. I think there is a lot on the "nature" side - seeing kids raised by the same parents in essentially the same environment turn out very differently.

Of course, a simply horrible environment, such as abusive, will have a tremendous effect, but that is not the norm. With adoption, you still have to consider the genetics. I know two couples who have gone to China and adopted baby girls (one couple has done it twice) and have wonderful families - this is an expensive option, but the girls are healthy, etc. , they are just put into orphanages because the Chinese government only allows couples to have one baby, so some couples who have a girl will put her in foster care and try again for a boy - sad, I know.

I wish you the best of luck with these most difficult of decisions. Having a family is a basic urge and desire and you are faced with choices that will impact you - and your potential children - for the rest of your lives. If you are a praying person, give it prayer.

No, I don’t think you are selfish no matter what you decide. You are obviously giving this much thought; thinking of the possible future child more than yourself (that’s what parent’s do! ) My daughter has brought tremendous joy to my life.

Everyone's genetics have something wrong with them. Celiac is in millions of people and there are other... things also wrong with people. There are ways to help celiac people so they don't suffer, but it is work.

I don't think we know what will happen to us as we live life. There are accidents and other things that happen we don't know about. We can't control everything in our life.

We go to God for help. I think we just do our best. I have MS and my kids may not get that from their celiac.

I didn't know I was celiac until age 50. I did warm them that their kids may need the celiac diet. I told them sorry, they got these genetics, but I think they are glad they got a chance to be alive in this world and still think life is great.My husband didn't want to have kids, but we had 2 kids and now he is very happy he had kids.

He now says it is the whole reason of living on this earth.

" "How did you decide NOT to have children?" "Happy 189th Birthday Gregor Mendel, monk and father of the science of genetics! Mendel's Laws of Heredity" "I'm getting two dogs, one for each of my children. Is there any difference if they decide on two males or two females?

Need 1993 copy of Science and Children, Vol. 30, No. 8.

A children's book about a dentist (animal) named Dr Demento.

Happy 189th Birthday Gregor Mendel, monk and father of the science of genetics! Mendel's Laws of Heredity.

I'm getting two dogs, one for each of my children. Is there any difference if they decide on two males or two females?

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.