Which is worse: Over-thinking your marriage (imposter syndrome) or under-thinking your marriage (Dunning Kruger effect)?

People fall madly in love, thinking (feeling rather) that it will last forever and is enough for a serious relationship. However, it’s very hard to live on an emotional high for very long. Eventually we start to come down from the ecstasy, excitement, strong passions and desires, typically after around 18 months to three years (people vary of course).

If couples are friends, discuss their mutual values, shared ambitions, interests, etc., in some depth (obviously there will be some differences, which help make relationships interesting), and make plans, work on their personal development, etc., this can develop into a long and wonderful relationship. If one party feels insecure or low in self respect, it can make for a difficult partnership. It's easy to behave at our best when in love, but marriage, for example, requires a lot of self discipline, sacrifice, compromise and flexibility.

If a strong friendship is not in place, the relationship will probably peter out eventually - or worse. Quite often we fall in love because we are lonely and allow ourselves to be won over by anyone who takes an interest in us. Thus we give away control to somebody else if we are not careful.

This is another reason for taking things very slowly, and really getting to know someone before committing ourselves or getting too emotionally or sexually involved. Sex can be emotionally bonding, which is disastrous if the other things are not there: strong friendship, similar values and standards, common interests, etc. If he is now saying he no longer wants to get married, deceiving him into having a child would almost certainly end the relationship. Your concerns about your age are perfectly understandable, but women do have a first child well into their forties these days.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.