Why do I need to let others help care for my loved one with Alzheimer's?

Despite what you may have believed at the outset, it is possible, no, it is necessary, to share the burden of care for someone with Alzheimer’s disease. It is quite natural that you may want to do everything yourself, perhaps because you fear that no one else will be able to do as good a job of caring for your loved one as you can. And you are right.

However, there will be times and parts of the job that it will be wise for you to share with someone else or to delegate to someone else. Fear not, you will remain in charge of all that will be done for your loved one. You need to learn to share the burden of care sooner rather than later.

This is for your benefit as well as for the benefit of your loved one. If you can introduce additional help at a stage when your loved one can still form new relationships easily, it will ease the need to accept additional help later on in the course of the illness. It really does take a team of caregivers to provide all the help that is needed.

Have no fear; you will always be the head of the team. Your life and that of your loved one will be richer for it. There will be less pain, less grief and less isolation.

So allow yourself to be helped! One of the most powerful phrases in English or any other language is: “I need your help.” Caregivers are not invulnerable.

Without help they can become discouraged, depressed or suffer burn-out; they can begin to neglect their own care or the care of their patient. Some totally distressed caregivers can even become abusive to their loved ones when they feel at the end of their rope. You don’t want to be among them.

Caregiver help helps prevent such outcomes. But there is yet another reason for careful planning and for assuring that someone else can provide some of the care needed: it is possible that you may die before your loved one. You may have an accident, develop an unforeseen medical problem or fall victim to a natural or civil disaster.

Planning ahead and sharing the burden of care will guard against the consequences of such outcomes as well.

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