Why is it so hard to get feedback from someone on why they won't date you? Do you have any strategies on getting feedback?

Well, I don't know of any studies, but from personal experience, I think they won't tell you out of awkwardness or not wanting to hurt your feelings/trying to be nice. From my experiences of being turned down, I've never had anyone tell me exactly why, and after the first couple times, I stopped asking. I think they feel like they don't want to hurt your feelings more.

I know many girls who are too nice to want to hurt someone, even if that person really wants to know their reasoning. Of course, if you asked out someone who doesn't like you, I think they would be more likely to tell you why they said no. From my (limited) experience rejecting people, I've also found that it is extremely awkward to tell them why.

Telling that person their flaws, sometime after you've already rejected them, makes it not only awkward during that moment, but possibly throughout the future as well. I think a better idea is to ,rather than asking that person directly,: 1) ask a mutual friend why or, if you don't have any mutual friends 2) ask your own friend to be honest with you about your shortcomings. I've found one of those two ideas to be much easier than trying to coax an answer out of someone who doesn't want to give it.

However, if you really need to hear it from that person, you could just tell them why it is so important for you to know why. If that doesn't work, there really isn't much of a way to find out without incessantly bugging them.

For a woman to tell you why she doesn't like you, she risks a difficult confrontation. Natural instinct says to smile at someone until you can get a safe distance away. The best way to get good feedback is to ask her friends.

They know all the details and are less likely to feel threatened by sharing.

If someone doesn't want to date you, it almost always means there is something about you that they don't find appealing or compatible. It feels rude to point those sorts of things out to someone, even if they are asking. Many decent humans (women, in particular) are socialized to believe that it is very rarely OK to tell someone things that would make him feel criticized or bad about himself.

Also, people tend to get defensive in these situations and try to talk you out of what you think about them, which is annoying at best. For example, let's say you ask me out and I don't want to date you because I find you boring (hypothetically of course). If you ask me why I won't go out with you and I say "Well, frankly, you seem nice enough but you tend to bore me." then that's just rude or even bitchy.

For all I know, you'll go home and mope for weeks about the fact that I called you boring. Or, worse, spend 45 minutes trying to convince me that you're not boring at all--I have just not experienced your exciting side .. .. So, instead, I just refuse your kind offer as politely as possible, trying my hardest not to be insulting. Worse yet, maybe I don't want to date you for some reason you couldn't possibly change.

For example, possibly you are too short for me to feel comfortable with you in social couple situations, or your face reminds me of my creepy great-uncle. What benefit would there be to my telling you that? You can't do anything about it.

In instances where you are turned down by someone you really think you would be good with, I recommend you politely accept their refusal and then take opportunities when you are in group social situations together not to impress her, but to be yourself--your real self. If, after getting to know the real you, she seems no more interested, resign yourself to be friends or acquaintances and keep your eyes open for someone who appreciates you for who you are. If you truly want feedback on how to be a more appealing date, ask your trusted friends and family for feedback on changes you could make to be a better person.

If you focus on improving yourself in general you will almost certainly make yourself more attractive to potential dates.

Someone who is breaking up with you faces several barriers to giving you honest feedback: A) Everyone hates conflict, the real reason may be something you've fought over and she's decided to avoid. B) A lot of people don't like to hurt someone's feelings. So most people try to find a reason that seems inoffensive.

C) Sometimes, if one person isn't accepting the break-up, the other has to avoid giving any reason that could be negotiated. "Oh, I can change that, let's get back together" D) Any reason given may not be seen as the truth, anyway. If it's not what you want to hear, there's a good chance you'll challenge it.

Now, if you wait a couple years, and the break-up is no longer open to question, you might get the real reason.

Although I have no personal experience, me and my friends have sometimes philosophically tossed around the idea of making such an admission a positive thing. For example - i'm not saying word it this way, it's just to outline the kind of message to send - "For next time when I date someone if I made any mistakes I don't want to make the same mistakes next time around, could you help me see where I might have done better/hurt you" Then you gotta take it well, perhaps a bit somber/serious so as not to seem fake, but don't break visibly unless you know she/he is just being cruel for being cruel, they gotta know that hurts you. Although that IS a flawed tactic, if it's simple incompatibility that won't work so well, it's perhaps better to ask friends AFTER determining that's not creating gossip (a BIG no-no in the woman world, creating gossip out of a breakup, common (unfortunately) but UNfriendly).

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.