Why should I avoid comparing my child with ADHD to other kids?

Pay attention to how much time you spend comparing your child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) to other kids his age. Excellence does not have to be defined in comparison to others. Also notice if you are expecting your child to excel at too many activities.

If so, he may be wasting vital energy that could be used for deep absorption in one area in which he's both interested and gifted. It may be that the capacity for outstanding expression, the sort of giftedness that makes all of us wonder, is depleted by running around from one brain-building competition to another. Perhaps by frittering away your time and energy by following the crowd in the competition du jour, you miss your child's unique form of expression.

It might be that you are running from tutoring program to football game at the moment your child is inspired to be an artistic genius. Maybe you're determined that your child will match your focus and discipline in playing the clarinet, when he would find great release and expression in something like martial arts, a physical activity that could help him settle down to do his homework. When you begin to see that your child's needs, interests, and talents are highly idiosyncratic but deeply meaningful, you can step back from your fears about him falling behind and step up to discovering his arena of outstanding expression.

Remember that once he forges the link to his outstanding expression, it will provide fuel for all other arenas of motivation and achievement. The expression of his interests and gifts will energize him, not deplete him.

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