I know a lot of you on here met guys got pregnant and then the guy ended up marrying you.. how did it happen?

Hi~ Since you didn't provide your age, I'm going to hazard a guess that you're in your early-to-mid thirties--just for the sake of answering, I hope you don't mind. Oh, & for the sake of discussion, I'm going to guess that the baby is 2 months old, just so there's some parameters to work with, because actually--it does make a difference! 1--you were just out of a long term relationship (let's say, 5+?) when you met him 3 years ago...(Aug 07) 2-let's say you lost contact with him a year and a half after the break up (Feb 09)---making meeting him a year later this past February.'10.

3-he's gotten married during the time between Feb 09-and Feb of this year, 2010, and that marriage lasted six months. 4--also during that time---either as a cause of the marital break up, or shortly thereafter, he finds and impregnates another woman-; then you roll back into the picture-- and he only tells you that he's again single, and how much he wants to be with you and oh isn't this all wonderful! 5--mid July, this year-- he drops a bomb on you-- "oh, yeah, I love you, but maybe you ought to know--because---awww shucks-- well, I'm going to be a dad with a woman I knocked up last November 09.. I hope you're okay with me not being honest" Looking at the timeframe of this whole thing, it's not good at all; it there had been 10 years between parting company and again meeting,commitment change things a lot.

(well, not his dishonety, but what it says about his character commiturity). That he married shortly after pestering you to do so indicates no real committment to you. Also, that he left that marriage so quickly afterwards also indicates a lack of being able to committ in a mature way.

I'm going to ask you to put yourself in the other girls shoes--okay? Just put yourself in the ex-wife's position and give it some thought for a minute or two-- longer if you can-- how would that affect you-- a whirlwind marriage, and then ditched all within a year? That he didn't tell you right away,"oh, yeah, I have a thing where I needed to get my rocks off where-ever I could find it, so, by the way, I'm told I'm going to be a daddy".

He didn't respect you enough to tell you up front that he's got a huge committment looming in the wings until the very last minute-- why? Because he wanted to play the field and ensure he had you hooked and since he knew that he'd be part of this child's life, he'd cover all his bases. I'm also guessing that the baby's momma is being strung along by this fella.

My question to you is, are you willing to play second fiddle? --If you are, then he's thinking,"oh goody, happy me!" Your last paragraph says what your woman's intuition is telling you-- and trust me-- at my age I've learned to listen to that gut feeling--we may not know why it's bugging us--but it's is always, always right!

You say.."now I feel like I could never trust him"-- so...go with that- thought, and that thought alone! Spin it in your head till it's front and centre. Ask yourself-- do you want a life with someone through whom you had your ego boosted when you came out of the longterm relationship, and who now again is boosting your ego, only to wake up one day and realize, oh shyyttt!

What the heck did I get myself into? How many other secrets are there out there--what else is he hiding --and, why did I lower my standards and ignore what I knew, deep down inside, was a warning that he was actually bad news. I think the thing that struck me most when I finally broke free from my ex--> and I stuck it out for 18 years of distrust, hoping that things would change---and it occurred to me that men who easily attract women are hooked on the hunt/chase.

Then, when they find someone who will put up with their antics of being untrustworthy, they take that woman and use her for all that is good for them only. They appear really nice outside of the home; to the public he's a swell guy, but if one really looks at his life, and the choices he makes-- it becomes evident that they are con-artists of the heart-breaking kind. Con artists become so because they're good at what they do-- they're believable-- what they spin seems credible--they tell enough of the truth with their lies to make it seem true, which is why they get away with it.

I'm glad I broke free-- maybe I'm "gun shy" now--but I'll take a good friendship with someone I can trust over taking on a relatinship just because I'm alone. I wish you all the best.. and I hope the choice that you make is based on objective reasoning and that it is not all based upon your emotions which are being fired up by having your ego boosted.

Only you know how you feel about this man. Yes, he should have told you before but I think he was telling the truth when he said he was afraid you'd want no more to do with him. You do not have to be friendly with the mother of this child in order to be civil to her.

If you truly love this man, then accept his child as part of his past, forgive him for not telling you sooner & get on with the rest of your life. Remember, you cannot change the past even if it was only one second ago. Yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery so live for today.

That's why it's called "the present". Be happy.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.