If your in foster care. when you are 16 and want to move out. will social services help pay for a place to live?

I think your mom and stepdad know it is very hard, if not impossible, to do a legal adoption without your consent, so they are trying to wear you down and pressure you emotionally into going along with this. I can assure you that you would be interviewed as part of an adoption process and would be asked for your wishes about this plan. I cannot see a court approving an adoption knowing how you feel.

Your mom and stepdad are thinking they know what is best, which justifies them in ignoring your feelings. They probably also feel themselves to be your family unit and see adoption as the final step (following mom's remarriage) in that process. I note the marriage has lasted 2 1/2 years and you do not mention that they have children together or that your stepdad has other children of his own.

It is possible they see this as a way to "give" him children. It is possible there are health, financial or age issues which make it unlikely they will have biological children together. You and your brother are their "opportunity" to be parents together.... I assume your stepdad is helping to financially support you and does parenting-type activities with you.

He likely feels he is a dad to you. However, they have made no room in their thinking for you to honor and keep your emotional tie to your biological dad. This is unfortunate.

Do you know if you are receiving social security survivor's benefits from dad's account? This would be a monthly check from the social security administration payable until you are 18. If so, it is possible this would end upon adoption.

Do you know if your mom's first marriage was a happy one? Does she have painful memories of it, or perhaps of your father's declining health? How long did your mom know your stepdad before they got married, and how harmonious is their marriage?

Every relationship has conflicts, what are theirs about? The worst case scenario is that their marriage is troubled and they see adoption as a way to try to strengthen it, much the same way as some people have a baby together to "save" a marriage or relationship. You are right to be concerned about these 2 adults who are getting clear messages from everyone in their world that this is not a good plan, but persist in it.

I hope you take strength and comfort from the fact that all your grandparents and your aunt see it your way. The bottom line is that they can express their displeasure with you and try to pressure and manipulate you into obeying them, however, they are poisoning their home life and their relationship with you and brother. Do not be concerned about your brother's age---- his wishes DO matter as much as yours.

Just some thoughts: You can be adopted and KEEP your last name. There is no law that it has to change. You can call the county social services office and talk with the workers who handle step parent adoptions.

If you describe your situation, they can give you some helpful information. You can alert the counselor at your school to what is going on at home and get support and information there. Your relationship with your dad's family can endure even if your mom makes it hard to see them while you are under 18.

Being older, they just fear time is running out. Assure them they have a permanent place in your heart and your life. Try to include them in every way you can (emails, etc) until you are older and more free.

If you are looking forward to college, begin thinking now about how to finance it. Can grandparents help? How about scholarship and loan money?

I'm not certain, but in some cases social security payments can go beyond age 18 if you stay in school (did for me, many years ago). Try to find a compromise, if possible. Try to understand why this is so important to them---- perhaps based on some of the issues I raised above.

What can you do that helps resolve the matter but honors your own needs and feelings? Are you willing to be adopted if you keep your name, for example? Are you allowed to have photos and memories of your dad around you in your space?

DO they in any way seem to care about your feeling and human rights here? You can email me if you wish. I used to be a counselor for step parent adoptions....

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.