It's that time again. Dee is depressed and needs to hear some good jokes. Anybody hear any good ones, lately?

It's that time again. Dee is depressed and needs to hear some good jokes. Anybody hear any good ones, lately?

Asked by DevilDiva 39 months ago Similar questions: time Dee depressed hear jokes Entertainment > Humor.

Similar questions: time Dee depressed hear jokes.

Hope this helps Snappy Answer #1 A stewardess was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Snappy Answer #2 A lady was picking through the frozen chickens at the supermarket, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the shelf stacker, "Do these chickens get any bigger? " He replied, "No, they're dead."

Snappy Answer #3 The policeman got out of his car and the lad who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the policeman said. The lad replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the lad on his way without a ticket. Snappy Answer #4 A lorry driver was driving along. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead."

Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.

The policeman gets out of his car and walks around to the lorry driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck? " The lorry driver says, "No mate, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas. " and finally... #5, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR A university lecturer reminds her students of tomorrow's final exam."Now, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever! " A smart-@rse bloke in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s3xual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter.

When silence is restored, the lecturer smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand. " .

Happy Halloween! 10 Things That Sound Dirty On Halloween, But Aren't... 1. So...What'd you get in the sack?2.

Once you get under the sheet, start moaning and groaning! 3. Just hop on that broomstick and ride it!4.

Those small suckers are gone in a few licks!5. I got the best piece from that house.6. Quit screwing around on the porch!7.

Stick your hand in and guess what you're feeling.... 8. It was so filled and heavy, I had to use TWO hands!9. They'll suck you dry if they get their teeth in you.10.

I bobbed and bobbed, but couldn't get my mouth around it! Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-or-Treating is Better Than Sex 10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9. If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go back at it again.8. The stranger you look, the easier it is to get some.

7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave it to you.6. Person you are with doesn't fantasize you're someone else, you already are.5.

If you get a stomach ache, it won't last nine months.4. If you wear leather and chains, no one thinks you're kinky. 3.

Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.2. Less guilt the next morning from over-indulging. 1.

If you don't get what you want at one place, you can always go next door to get more! Why Pumpkins Are Better Than Men 1. Every year you get a brand new crop to choose from.2.

No matter what your mood is, pumpkins are always ready to greet you with a smile.3. One usually makes a better pie.4. They are always on the doorstep there waiting for you!5.

If you don't like the way he looks, you just carve up another face.6. If he starts smelling up your place, you can just throw him out. 7.

From the start you know a pumpkin has an empty, mush filled head to begin with.8. A pumpkin is turned on (lit-up) only when you want him to be. Mugsie loves Halloween!

Sources: http://www.halloween-online.com/jokes/halloween-jokes-adult.html .

Grandmas Don't Know Everything! Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?' She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell him the truth.

'It's called sexual intercourse, darlin. ' Little Tony just said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse.

It's called bunk beds, and Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you. ' Sources: A friend Sparkie-1's Recommendations Powell Ontario "Burnished Brown" Twin/Full Bunk Bed Conversion Kit Amazon List Price: $159.00 Average Customer Rating: 3.0 out of 5 (based on 2 reviews) .

Poor Dee let PC try to cheer your funk...:@) Superman had the day off advised by the Justice League Doctor..:@) Not sure of what to do, definately no plans he flew around the world several times. He noticed Aqua man apprehending some bad guys, Batman & Robin were no where to be found all other super heros busy not requiring his assistance...:@) Our Super Hero continues to cruise around the world, actually bored out of his mind with no action. He spots Wonder Woman sun bathing in her Birthday suit on the Dunes in the Everglades and stops starts thinking out a plan he’s fast enough with the right timing she would not know what happened..:@) He get’s his timing set and swoosh flies in wham bam bam bam bam and swoosh he’s gone...:@) What the,she said..what in the world just happened...:@) Then speaking up The Invisible man said, " I don’t know but my butt really really hurts " A wife storms in to her husbands den and demands to know what he's doing her husband answers working on a time machine don't make me laugh what do you need a time machine for finished loading his shotgun he turns and tells her to a time when I was single...:@) Sources: PC 123 Photobucket .

I so sorry your depressed. Again? I have no jokes.

I'm depressed too. If you hear any worthwhile, please send them to me. I need a laugh.

Feel Better! For Real! Sources: Me .

I need some 30's & 40's humor. Anyone know of a good compendium or collection of jokes and bits..." "How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? " "What do you do when you're depressed?" "I love jokes!

I love humor! Why can? T I re-tell or remember a good joke to share with someone later?

" "Ever hear these jokes? > Things my parents taught me: ANTICIPATION- "Just wait until we get home." (continued)" "Miss ya DEE! Here is a "mug" that reminds me of you every time I use it!

So ~ what is on your coffee mug today?" "I think 'that's what she said' jokes have far beaten puns as the lowest form of humor.. agree? " "Another blog, but this time it's business and management jokes - enjoy, please. " "Jokes........." "Here's my humor for today?

Do you have any funny jokes to add?

I need some 30's & 40's humor. Anyone know of a good compendium or collection of jokes and bits...

I love jokes! I love humor! Why can?

T I re-tell or remember a good joke to share with someone later?

Things my parents taught me: ANTICIPATION- "Just wait until we get home. " (continued).

Miss ya DEE! Here is a "mug" that reminds me of you every time I use it! So ~ what is on your coffee mug today?

Another blog, but this time it's business and management jokes - enjoy, please.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.