Relative asking to for 30K loan for credit card debt, not the first time?

Relative asking to for 30K loan for credit card debt, not the first time I have a close relative of my husband's family asking for a 30K loan due to a "bit of overspending" that's led to credit card debts with 15-30% interest rates. To me it's clear this person has a problem and that bailing her out will only enable/fuel the problem, regardless of whether we can afford to do it or not. I've heard of debtors anonymous, but I'm afraid because its my husband's close relative, he doesn't see the "disease" part of it as clearly as I do.

Any recommendations? Asked by momoleaf 55 months ago Similar questions: Relative 30K loan credit card debt time Home.

Similar questions: Relative 30K loan credit card debt time.

I would definitely not provide a loan in this situation. And I suspect, from your tone, that it wasn't really a consideration here. There are a couple of good resources out there for compulsive spenders, but, as with any addiction, the first step is admitting you have a problem.

Rarely does loaning money to friends and relatives have a good outcome- it's an elephant in the room in social encounters and drastically shifts around the balance of power in a relationship. The first step is to convince your husband that this is a problem. If this isn't the first time she's gone into debt, and she has a clear habit of overspending her means, point it out.

If she exhibits other signs of cyclic mania and depression, and you or he are in a position to tactfully suggest she go see a therapist, compulsive spending is also one common manifestation of manic depression, or bipolar disorder. Debtor's Anonymous is a good resource, and there's other good information linked here. The more resources you find about help from a disease or addiction standpoint may also sway your husband's thinking.

The National Foundation for Credit Counseling is also a good place to start. If she hasn't had the opportunity, she needs to sit down with someone to hammer out a realistic budget and figure out how she's going to pay off her debts. Working with a credit counselor is also a good way to get the credit card companies to lower interest rates and to consolidate monthly payments into something affordable.

The Do-It-Yourself method of getting out of debt actually can work pretty well, as documented here, but they're not for the weak of will or the faint of heart. They rely on maximizing 0% balance transfer offers while being absolutely committed to paying down your debt. The original poster in that thread paid off $17,000 in a little over 2 years, paying around $650 onto the cards each month.

Sources: My opinion, various links. Dondon's Recommendations The Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness Amazon List Price: $24.99 Used from: $15.29 Average Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5 (based on 244 reviews) Dave Ramsey has good advice for people who can't control their spending.

Lovingly but firmly "stick to your guns! " I agree with your accessment of the situation. I would encourage you to make a list of questions that you can then share with your husband.

Examples are: 1-Can you afford to give away 30K if this relative does not pay you back? 2-If you make this loan how are you going to be able to enforce it? 3-What will this do to family relationships if this loan is not repayed?4-Are you willing to accept all the emotional baggage that will be gained if this loan is not repayed?

5-What assurance do you have that this relative will not be running up more debt on the credit card while they are supposed to be paying you back? These are questions that might help your husband to think twice before offering this loan. Dealing with family issues can be very difficult and emotionally touchy so I would not recommend trying to "make" your husband see this the way you do.

Simply be loving and firm in letting him know what your concerns are. Don't offer judgements or criticism of this relative which may put him on the defensive. Your relationship with him comes first.

If you concentrate on supporting him in trying to think things through so he can make a good decision it will be easier to avoid allowing this relative's problem to cause problems between you and your husband. I hope my 2 cents worth helps you or at least gives you some ideas. Sincerely, Chauncey1951 .

Time to put your foot down... 30K isn't just 'a little overspending'. 'Not the first time' is a BIG clue here. If it was from an emergency, a sick child running up mounds of medical bills...that would be one thing... This doesn't sound like the case.

This look more like they're spending freely, knowing that someone will bail them out. We had to start putting our savings into CD's to keep from weakening every time one of our (7) kids had a financial 'tragedy'. They had every electronic gadget invented by man...had to have cell phones, caller ID, call waiting, voice mail, cable TV...but, when they couldn't pay their mortgage or rent..guess who they came begging to to either co-sign or for a handout.

AKA, a loan. I don't care if you have an extra million hanging around, please don't be an 'enabler' for them. You won't we doing them a favor.It's like trying to cure a cancer with a bandaid.

It's time to have a serious talk with your husband about your personal savings. My husband tended to 'give' loans to the kids when they got in financial trouble and tell me about it later. We had to make a deal.

Anything over $500.00 was to be discussed between us before any money went out of our accounts. We would deliver food so no one would starve, let them stay in our guest quarters if they had no place to live....but we stopped handing out cash just to bail them out. I think it comes under the heading of 'tough love'.

The relative might have to lose everything and learn a hard lesson before they become responsible adults. Sources: My experience HELENofTROY's Recommendations Debt No More: How to Get Totally Out of Debt Including Your Mortgage Amazon List Price: $14.95 Used from: $0.91 Average Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5 (based on 11 reviews) .

You are right ...that bailing out the debtor will only empower further bad spending. Especially if the spending is on ’non-items’. Is it a car she bought?

Or a house deal that went bad? Or hundreds of little items that cannnot be tracked down? She can always trade down on a car or house, but a person who buys small items of real cost but no lasting value has a true problem.

Debtor’s anonymous is a good option, and perhaps even bankruptcy. Credit counseling services as well. Any could help, as long as she faces the problem.

Buy your husband a book or a video on debt and debtors, how bad habits cannot be broken so easily as ’buying her out’ of the problem. Over spenidn is like any other addiction - ganbling, alcoholism, etc. She needs counseling and help, not more money. She needs an intervention - a group of people (friends and family) who love her to confront her, tell her she has a problem, offer her support on the path to success... but who are unwilling to walk that path for her.

ProtonAgonist's Recommendations How to Settle Your Debts Amazon List Price: $17.95 Used from: $12.87 Average Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5 (based on 8 reviews) Credit Card Debt: Amazon List Price: $6.99 Used from: $1.24 Average Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5 (based on 12 reviews) .

You can only lend it if you are willing to kiss the money goodbye. Loaning money to relatives and friends is different than a bank loaning money. Banks are allowed to be ruthless in getting repaid, but you are not.

With that in mind, it is hard to say yes or no. It sounds like your impression is that this person will either pay off their debts and then run them back up again, or just blow your money without paying the debts. Both are a possibility.

If you do loan the money, I would pay the credit cards directly. I would let the relative try to convince you. Do they have a plan to pay the money back?

Will they pay interest? Do they admit to wasting money, or blame it on bad luck? What sacrifices are they willing to make?

Selling stereo, car? If you don't hear them out, it might look just as bad to your husband as writing a check without a plan to pay it back sounds to you. I would lean toward declining the request since this is not the first time.

A crucial lesson has not been learned. Perhaps it will be learned while climbing out of bankruptcy. But perhaps this person has had an awakening and the loan will jumpstart a better life.Be open to the possibilities, but guarded with your life savings.

Manimal's Recommendations Stop Treating Me Like a Child: (But First Can You Lend Me Some Money? ) Amazon List Price: $8.98 Used from: $0.01 .

" "I have a $25K loan, $4500 credit card, $1500 credit card. They are all in collections, what should I pay off first?" "How can I get a loan to pay off student loans and credit card debt? " "I was put on a home depot credit card as an authorized user.

Am I responsible for the debt? They did not ask for my ss.

I have a $25K loan, $4500 credit card, $1500 credit card. They are all in collections, what should I pay off first?

I was put on a home depot credit card as an authorized user. Am I responsible for the debt? They did not ask for my ss.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.