What should I teach my child about bullies?

Each bully’s motivation is different, but if you can help your child understand what the bully seeks, it may help him tailor his response. Teach your child that most bullies want a reaction. If you beg or plead the response gives the bully the power he craves.

Pleading (“Please stop that”) or delivering feeling-laden messages (“It really makes feel mad when you do that”) rarely work with bullies. In fact, those type of comments can increase bullying. Some bullies lack empathy.

If a victim delivers a “That makes me sad. I want you to stop picking on me,” it only makes the bully feel he won. The bully may lack impulse control so if your child insults back or is too quick-tempered it may only spiral more bullying.

The key is to help your child understand where the bully is coming from. It doesn’t stop the bullying, but it may help your child tailor his response.

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