You discover your best friend of 20 years is gay. They never told you. Do you confront them or let them come to you in their own time?

In that situation I would feel sad over the fact that my friend did not trust me enough to confide such a situation, which certainly, over the 20 year course of our friendship must have caused some hardship for them. I would feel excluded from my responsibly and duty as a friend to have helped and provided support. The fact that my friend is gay would not even be the issue to confront rather the lack of trust that my friend has invested in what I had perceived to be a solid friendship.

I would confront my friend with that concern, and not focus on the gay issue, I would structure my questions as to why I could not be trusted and why it was felt that my support was not worth confiding in me. This I believe could only be an issue if the friendship has been close and long in duration. In a casual or developing friendship it would not be out of order to keep certain things private.

But in a 20 year close friendship, where the bonds that form are more like the love between family members, I would definitely want to know why I could not be trusted. Be prepared, the answer may provide you with an openness that will restore the friendship ties, it could also end with you discovering that perhaps you have more invested in the friendship sentimentally than the other person.

When he is comfortable that you will not judge him or he is comfortable that he has no guilt about this then he will come to you. Make yourself open to him. I wouldn't be sneaky with hints, if he knows you then he will realize what you are doing.

Being gay is a hard life for many people and many fear and face rejection. Perhaps he can not face the fact he might lose you if he comes out to you. Maybe you can start a short story with a gay main character and talk to him about your book.

Again, if he has never been someone you share plot lines or character traits while you write, then he will see through it. I would say wait it out..

If I found out that my best friend of 20 years is gay, I will not confront him nor wait for him to tell me. Whenever we have a serious talk I will just tell him that anything he want with his life is up to him and I respect that. I will try my best to make him feel that I will be his friend no matter what and that I respect whatever decisions he is going to do with his life.

Maybe he has his own reasons for not telling me and I understand that because being gay and being open is very hard especially if the society is being judgmental about the kind of relationship. For I believe that a person has a right on what he wants to do with his life and nobody can dictate him on what he should do or not do. And if he is happy being gay then I will be happy for him too.

Maybe if he will realized later on that I am not judgmental then he will be the one to approach me and tell me he is gay.

I don't know that "confront" is the right word, but I would tell him/her that I know, that I saw him/her with someone, and that his/her orientation makes no difference in our relationship. And after telling my friend that I know and assuring my friend that he/she has the same place in my heart that he/she ever did (and probably always will), I would ask why he/she didn't tell me before. And then I would accept the answer I am given, whatever it might be.

I will validate my friend and then remind them that his/her worst fear did not materialize. If *I* didn't know about my friend's orientation/preference (and we are best friends, sharing confidences and life events), chances are that others do not know, either... and I'll maintain that status quo. Honest, respectful communication is what friends share, especially best friends.

I absolutely don't confront them. If that person has been in the closet for 20 years, that's his personal life and I'm in no position to pry. Although I'm straight, I have had friends who have come out, and it was a hard, life-changing decision for them.It's my friend's decision when to come out -- period.

Not mine. I wouldn't even drop hints, because he'd know what was up, and it would be awkward. Besides, what if he isn't gay after all?

He could be questioning. Not everyone knows their sexual identity right away.It can take years to discover it.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.