Can you critique the introduction to my story please (it's really short)?

I think what you should do... is think about something exciting and instead of introducing the story, you should get RIGHT to the exciting part, and write about it. You're like me, you really like to be thorough and detailed and you analyze. You've been taught to start everything with an introduction, but I don't think english teachers at your level know about mainstream writing, they just know the correct English and grammar.

Instead of thinking about INTRO, BODY, CONCLUSION, you should think about moreso the creativity. The action. Something unique and interesting.

I wrote something that was an exercise for my writing group, which I left on my work email, so I don't have it here, but as far as a quick synopsis (it's only a paragraph long), I start off with a guy in his SUV getting lunch with his dog. Lots of description, using all 5 senses, and added some humor about the dog wanting to jump out of the car to get the food. Then he goes off to park and watch the waves, get some cool ocean breeze, and gives the dog a burger.

My character then closes his eyes as he takes the first bite of his delectably juicy burger. When he opens them, the sun is blocked. Huh?

No clouds? How can that be? He pokes his head out of his car window and sees a hamburger shaped craft of some sort hovering about 100 feet directly above him.

Oh boy. I got to this point in one paragraph. Maybe 10 sentences.

It took you roughly 5 paragraphs, for a woman listening to the radio in her car, to park, talk to the neighbor boy and walk in the front door. And there's really nothing interesting as far as the plot is concerned. Don't get me wrong, you write BRILLIANTLY.

You have a very vivid, detail oriented mind. But let's get to the action. This is an exercise for you.

In ONE paragraph, write about something intense or interesting, something about your prison story, or domestic violence, whatever floats your boat, but instead of starting in the car. Start at the beginning of the action. And include some crazy twist in there.

Like, mrs. Graham opens the front door of the house ready to go off on her good for nothing husband who she's ready to divorce, and she hears voices from the bedroom. What? No way.

He knows I'm coming home, we planned this. We were going to have a talk about our future. She goes to the bedroom ready to go OFF on whoever this female voice belonged to.

The door is cracked. She's red in the face fuming. She pushes the door open.

Her husband is sitting on the bed.... next to their dog, Lassie. Lassie turns to her husband and says, "Are you going to tell her or do I?" Boom!

Does that get your attention or what? A talking dog? No way!

Hehe.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.