Disrespectful lying adult daughter, what to do?

My daughter is 34 with a 4 1/2 yr old son and expecting another. She is a pathological liar and uses her son as a pawn. We had a total blowup over this and I have washed my hands of her.

My husband's response is disturbingly useless. It is necessary for him to be angry with her as she interprets this as he doesn't think it's all that bad. The icing on the cake is when she told my Grandson, "Mimi said mean things to Mommy so we have to move out.

" Which she did in an immature huff! Help! Asked by happyrosie 3 months ago Similar questions: Disrespectful lying adult daughter Family > Parenting.

Similar questions: Disrespectful lying adult daughter.

I think the father should get involved especially if it involves the safety of the children. He should talk to her after discussing the issues and stand by you.Do you want her to move back in establishing some rules? It could teach her a lesson to be on her own for awhile until she has two to take care of.

She may learn to appreciate you more. He definitely has to get involved and stop making you the heavy.

Thank you for your advice. Yes, it is a safe environment. This man she is with is an okay guy, I think there is a lot he may be hiding but I don't know for sure.

She manipulated this latest situation with the statement, "call me if you want to see your Grandson". She is capable of handling him but I have my doubts as to how she is going to deal with a newborn and him. But, it is time she learn.

Unfortunately, my husband will NOT stand up to her. If for one time he would lose his temper with her and tell her how she is supposed to treat others things might be different. I am going to stand by my beliefs and have no relationship with her until she admits she is wrong (something she has never done over the years) and makes amends.

We will see what happens. In the meantime, I am loving my clean quiet home! Happyrosie 3 months ago .

I think you're right but you may have to tolerate her immaturity in order to see your grandson. Unconditional love is easy for doggies but not we humans;) .

Thank you for your response. I'm new at this and trying to figure it all out! I loved the last line!

My question was very incomplete due to the word limit. She has told such a terrible web of lies and actually yelled at her 87 grandmother in front of her son. I recorded our argument of last Monday with her statement to my grandson.

When I confronted her with it she adamantly replied that she never said that. She knew I was recording it on my phone. So, she obviously has come to believe her own lies.

She moved back in with us almost 5 years ago pregnant with our grandson. We welcomed her with open arms 7 months after she stole over a thousand dollars in cash from me. She is very manipulative and vindictive.

She is a fair Mom, not good not horrific. In all of the chaos last week she moved out in a huff with her her "baby daddy" who last week she claimed to loathe! He can have her for all I care.

I know I have to stay tough for my grandson's sake. She is his Mother and he has to learn to cope with her lying and insane outbursts. I guess it helped to vent....thank you.

Happyrosie 3 months ago .

I have a family member who is a pathological liar and able to steal right from under your nose. Over time, I figured that he has antisocial personality disorder, a heartbreaking condition. Men and women can be afflicted with it, being something that can be inherited.

I would look into whether your daughter might have the condition (google the traits), then you can better understand how to handle her. It is not easy dealing with people who lie, manipulate, steal, etc. Good luck!

Thank you. I will follow your advice and the advice of others. Happyrosie 3 months ago .

I have a daughter 22 who lies and is cruel to me as well! She even hangs up on me if I try to call her. She has a 5 month old baby and I have been sitting for him every other week, while she works.

I love him so much! She goes to functions at her inlaws but I rarely see her on weekends. I am heartbroken.

I don't get paid to watch my grandson, and they know I need the money. It was supposed to be full-time, but the other grandmother complained and thus, he goes there every other week. I feel left out completely, after he was born I was there almost everyday, she would call me when she was on maternity leave, and I became so attached to him.

Now, it is different, I find myself crying all the time over this. My son-in-law is cuban adn when Matthew was born we were told he would be named after my husband Matthew David, but it was decided that Matthew would not have a middle name, as all the men in their family do not have middle names. My husband was crushed.

On Father's ay, the baby and them took his Dad and family to church and to a fancy restaurant, never even givening any thought to my husband being a first time grandpa or her father. It was awful, I should not speak to her again, but its difficult to do with the grandson who I love so much! My daughter is big liar as well.

I loved her so much and was a good mother, but she doesn't care nowHeartbroken in Florida! .

MonaJean, what a terrible story! I am doing a lot of "googling" and reading up on pathological liars and it almost seems like a hopeless situation with the lying. You have been so good to your daughter and her son, you need to be treated better.

I always tell people to type up a letter to the person who is hurting you. DON'T SEND IT. Save it and read it over for several days.

Edit it. If you feel as if what you have written will positively affect the situation then send it. If you have an doubts, do not send it.

But I know you will feel better putting your hurt into words and changing the wording here and there to reflect your feelings. If you don't send it to your daughter, share it with a close friend, share your pain with someone else. Praying for you in North Carolina happyrosie 3 months ago .

Thankyou for your kind words. I have been thru so much, she moved out in 2009 and moved in with his family, left college for no reason. I ended up in the hospital with double vision and possible stroke-guess what?

She didn't even come to the hospital. After all this I still went back to her-she's my daughter but I don't know her anymore. TOnite they are with his family again for a birthday party.

I am sick of being used, and I am very depressed. I have written letters to her, and saved them funny you should mention that. I have even given her a couple of letters and nothing means anything to her.

I took a job caring for a two month old baby and yes-they are paying me well-30 hrs per week. My daughter doesn't know this yet. I don't know why she is like she is-we used to do things together.

I am trying to be strong, I start the job on Monday. THankyou for praying for me -I need it.

Yes -she lies so she doesn't have to face things. She has been lying since she was about 14, and I tried to correct it. I told her it would catch up to her, and it weaves webs the more lies you tell.

T never stop though-as you have said it is hopeless. I am not sure she even loves me! I love her and the baby more than my life-but she seems cold-sometimes I try to hug her and she is like a piece of wood-Iwonder if she cannot help it or something to cover up her own unhappiness.

I am fortunate that I have a very loving husband who is trying to be understanding. He's heartbroken as well over our daughter. Well-thanks for listening.

I need to talk about this. I actually have seen counselors and physchologists and was thinking of going again for therapy.

I don't understand how our children can be so cruel to their parents. We both know they were not raised that way. I tend to feel, that they do it knowing a Mother's unconditional love will always be there for them no matter what they do.

I also believe that society just allows liars to lie and we don't stop each and every lie. You know what I mean? I am talking to my daughter and feel like what she has just said has to be a lie but it is small enough that I don't bother to correct her.So, she can go on telling more lies.

I think most of the time no matter who we are speaking to, if we question in our minds the truthfulness of the statement we don't correct. That is my opinion, how pathological liars get away with it for so long and the seriousness of it gets way out of hand. I know how much you love her and your dear little grandson.

Hopefully, one day your daughter will recognize what she is doing to you and try to be a better daughter to you. I pray for that in my life! It is nice to know I am not alone in this situation.

It helps to know that others have the same problems. Best of wishes to you and your husband! Happyrosie 3 months ago .

You are very kind. I love my grandson so much! Over the weekend she was mean again, didn't come over, and she said "if I have time I will come over".

I said why not, she said "he's not your child". I ended up crying that day all day on Sunday. I did do something for myself though, I accepted a Nanny position for a two month old girl, and they are paying me hourly, 3 days a week and one evening (date night).

WHen she called me and I told her she was speechless. I have been babysitting for free since he was born. She didn't know what to say!

Today I am watching him cause I miss him, and even though she hurts me life's too short not to love my little grandson, hes 5months old. Mona .

I don't understand how they can be so cruel either, I was never cruel to my mother, I adored her. Young people today, seem to have no regard for feelings, just to get ahead.

You have to let go. It seems that your husband is able to, follow his lead. You cannot control your daughter.It is far too late now.

Do the best you can to maintain the relationship so that you can continue to be in you granddaughter's life. If you don't learn to accept your daughter for who she is, you are likely to lose her, her daughter, even your husband.

I have a 22 year old son. I tolerate his immuturity because he is my son. I don't believe in tough love.

I believe in the end anything can be worked out. But believe me it is extremely difficult to have a "child" in a man's body. He is chronilogically 22 and an adult, but he is still somewhere trapped in a younger age.

But I love him. And can't turn my back on him or give up on him. I hope someday the my sleepless nights and anxiety worrying about where and what he is doing comes to a happy ending.

I truly hope things work out for your son. He is still young enough but please look out for yourself. My daughter's "behaviors" started when she was 15 so now 19 years later it is still going on.In the past the only thing that remotely helped was tough love.

She manipulates situations to an unbelievable point. Now she is using her son as a pawn. I don't think it is possible to stoop any lower than that!

Good luck with your son, I hope your ending is happier than mine. Happyrosie 3 months ago .

My mom didn't like ANY of us her children and so had (literally) nothing to do with us. She never did meet one of my daughters, her own grandchild. Now, my mom was paranoid schizophrenic, but I think any relationship requires BOTH to agree to have the relationship.

If in your case, the child is the nut, you have the same result: you have nothing to do with her.

Very sad story. Mental illness is so misunderstood in this country. I'm not sure where my story is going to go.

I have to protect myself and my sanity at this point. It's extremely difficult to be treated like this time after time. I adore my little grandson and would do anything for him.

She has said if I want to see him all I have to do is call her. I really don't even want to speak to her! Thank you again for your thoughts.

Happyrosie 3 months ago .

How do I deal with a 45 year old daughter that makes everything she does for me into a favor. She is disrespectful and" "What do I do? 2 disrespectful adult daughters, 22 & 25, who use their kids, 2 & 6, to get what they want from me." "My adult daughter is purchasing a home.

How much financial assistance can I legally provide her without a paper trail? " "My 13yr daughter talks back to parents and adult authority. Has no respect.

How can this be corrected? " "i read a book about a mother and a daughter who can tell people are lying when they look in their eyes. Fantasy fiction?

" "responses to question, Hou to deal with disrespect from an adult daughter? " "How can you tell if someone is lying?" "My 32 year old daughter is very disrespectful to me she doesn't think I should have anything & goes thru my things&takes" "How can I handle the relationship my adult daughter is having? " "adult daughter cursing father over new wife.

How do I deal with a 45 year old daughter that makes everything she does for me into a favor. She is disrespectful and.

2 disrespectful adult daughters, 22 & 25, who use their kids, 2 & 6, to get what they want from me.

My adult daughter is purchasing a home. How much financial assistance can I legally provide her without a paper trail?

My 13yr daughter talks back to parents and adult authority. Has no respect. How can this be corrected?

I read a book about a mother and a daughter who can tell people are lying when they look in their eyes. Fantasy fiction?

My 32 year old daughter is very disrespectful to me she doesn't think I should have anything & goes thru my things&takes.

Adult daughter cursing father over new wife.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.