How can grief and depression help me stay true to myself?

While grieving the loss of a person in your life, you may find yourself grieving the loss of parts of yourself that you have outgrown. Again, depression forces you to slow down and reflect on who you have become, and how you have been shaped by forces that are no longer important to you. As you grieve outworn aspects of your identity you may feel lonely more often than before.

One gift of grief is singularity: you become more yourself, which necessarily means that you become more different from others. This happens because the parts of yourself that you let go of in depression are usually conformity to others' expectations and the compulsive need for approval, both of which make it easier for you to get along and blend in with others. We have primal instincts that make us fear standing out on our own; becoming your own authority is scary work.

But facing your fears gives you the opportunity to become a hero to yourself. Your singularity and originality is the expression of your most essential self. If you cut off your heartaches you are cutting off a substantial part of your emotional self and the sensitivity, energy, and intelligence that is yours alone."

The grief of loss pushes you outside of your normal state of consciousness, and you become deranged in some small way. We have always known that there is some connection between madness and genius. Heartbreak pushes you close to the edge of sanity without having to fully lose it.

Depression stops you from rushing past your heartbreak and pretending you don't care; in this way it helps you to maintain your originality and uniqueness.

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