How do you get a daughter-in law to go along with your ideas for a family vacation?

Personally, I'd just leave her out of the planning once she refused to commit, and then expect her to complain when she didn't like the plans I made. It lets her off the hook for any decision-making that others don't agree with, a type of insecurity because then they can't be blamed when things go wrong. (Perhaps you've noticed this type of behavior from her in other situations?) Some people are just like that, and I see it as a form of emotional manipulation.

And I'd probably consider taking my next vacation without her.

If it's that much work, I wouldn't press it. She'd probably end up resentful and ruin it for the rest anyway. Seems like the only fool-proof answer is to let her choose the destination, then you can go along with her ideas!

No matter, seems very selfish and self-centered.

While it is wonderful to have a whole family together for a vacation, it might not be best for your daughter in law and your son. Many adults feel that vacations should be reserved for themselves and their spouses, excluding parents. It is their time together.

Extended family visits are reserved for holidays, like Christmas. It could very well be that your daughter says nothing because she and your son have other plans, which is completely normal, and healthy. While this may be annoying, it isn't a parent's place to plan vacations including their adult, married offspring.

Instead of trying to "convince" the daughter in law to participate in something that may not be appropriate, asking what the couple's plans are might bring a better response. Your asking would also signal your understanding that their wishes need to be honored, building a better relationship for the future.

You didn't say how long she's been in the family. If it's been a long time, then I'd say she's being difficult or just doesn't want to go on vacation with the family. If she's a newcomer to the family, maybe she just feels bad saying "mother-in-law I just don't like any of your suggestions".

Maybe she's tired of her being the one to help with the planning and not your son- I mean you are HIS family after all. Speaking of that-- Where is your son in all of this? Is it possible that their finances are not steady enough right now to afford any vacation?

Maybe she's a little embarrassed. Maybe she wants to have only one vacation this year and have it not include family other than her husband and children? I know that I would hate to go on vacation with my family and more so to go with my in-laws.

Of course, it's always possible that she is just being a pain in the butt. In that case, make plans, inform her and your son. If they want to make their own hotel reservations there (or whatever) then they may.

If they decide to join, tell them what the finance situation will be and that IF they have a problem with all of this, then next time one or the other will have to help you make plans like you asked them to do all along.

Unfortunately, when you're dealing with a person who refuses to take on responsibility and behave like an adult it is rather difficult to 'make' them act appropriately. Perhaps it's better to speak to your son and ask him if he would like to take on the role of planning and making a financial contribution. Explain to him that you would really like to involve his wife on events such as this, but she cannot be relied upon.Be careful with the wording that you use.

This will determine how he reacts to the conversation. You also may consider that your daughter-in-law may simply not want to go on a vacation that will include the entire family. Some people are not capable of leaving their comfort zone and prefer their planned events to involve the people that they are the most comfortable around.

Speak to her and ask her quite candidly if she isn't comfortable with the idea of a family vacation. Allow her to be honest without overreacting to her answer. Perhaps this conversation between the two of you will clear up an issue that you may not even be aware exists!

To sum it up, you simply can't make her commit. She will either do it freely or she won't do it at all. If you can't work it out with her, find out how she feels about a vacation with the entire clan.

If she is against it and agrees to go just to make someone else happy, chances are everyone is going to have a miserable time. If there's any issues that can be worked out, try addressing those and then see what happens with the situation. If all else fails, get your son involved.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.