How do you motivate a 12 year old to turn his finished homework in, or actually DO his homework?

He is not A.D.D. He doesn't turn in his finished homework saying he "forgot" He refuses to do his homework. Grounding, begging, nagging, bribing, pep talks, counseling, yelling. Tried them all.

Nothing is working. S is now flunking most all his classes. Help!

Asked by Soulfulleoness 55 months ago Similar questions: motivate 12 year turn finished homework Family > Parenting.

Similar questions: motivate 12 year turn finished homework.

Homework... First let me tell you that this is what I do for a living. I am a school counselor at the junior high level, meaning I deal mainly with kids ages 12 through 15. This is a recurring issue for a lot of students and I have yet to understand it clearly, after 18 years as a counselor of adolescents.It is different for different kids, of course, but the end result is the same.

The grades - including the test and quiz grades - are not as high as they would be because the students are not getting the practice that homework provides. In my school district, homework can only count between 10 and 15% of the total grade, yet the kids who do not do homework also tend not to finish major projects or study for assessments. I am supposing that this is the case with your son.

He is not handing in homework - perhaps he is not even doing the work in the first place. He is not studying for tests and quizzes and he is not fully engaged in classroom work or longer term projects. You say that he is not ADD, which says to me that you have had him evaluated by your pediatrician.

You mention that he has been involved in counseling. Does that mean that some things have been ruled out, like Oppositional Defiance Disorder or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or some of the anxiety disorders? If not, that is a place in which to begin.

It is possible that he is passively defiant and taking control of this part of his life. For instance, while you may be able to "make" him do his homework sometimes, you cannot make him hand it in to the teacher. Perhaps he is a perfectionist in that if he cannot do that assigment absolutely perfectly, he will choose not to have it be seen at all.

Perhaps he simply chooses to have negative attention, either at home or at school or both, rather than have what he perceives as no attention at all. It is possible that the work is too hard - that there is a learning issue or a processing issue that has shown itself more as the academic expectations have gotten more rigorous. Sometimes it is far easier for a child to say that he didn't try, rather than to try his hardest and still fail.

My first word of advice for you is to go to the school and talk with someone (the classroom teacher if he is still in one class, the counselor if you are dealing with a number of different teachers at this point) to see if you can get information on any suspected disability. That has to be ruled out and, if it is, then you can be pretty sure that this is a behavioral issue.As you can see, this can be a number of different things and, frankly, it may not even matter what the underlying reason is because your son may not even be able to identify it or understand it right now. What is more important is the understanding, on your part, that fighting is not going to help - it will probably make the ongoing negative behavior a certainty.

You should support him, let him know that if he needs help with his work that you will either help him yourself or arrange for someone else to help him.Be available for him, but don't do the nagging thing. As you've already said, it doesn't work. The last thing I will throw out there (because I have thrown out a ton for you to ponder) is that he may need to experience the "natural consequences" for his decision to not do his work.

Those natural consequences could be as severe as failing a grade. They could include having to attend summer school or remedial courses. It may only be the "punishment" that has NOT been handed to him by you that will mean anything.

If you can think of something that is really important to him in the short term, offer that as a reward for a "baby step" like taking responsibility for getting his teacher(s) to let him know what assignments he is missing that he can still make up. Something that will be immediate....It doesn't do much good to offer him a big reward if he can get a C on his report card. It is too far away and too much has to happen to get there.It needs to be smaller, more short term with an immediate reward.

The reward must be something he cares about. (ex. Every completed and handed in homework assignment gets a - candy bar or a magazine or a token that can be added up to get a video game...) As you can tell, this is not a simple issue.

It's not simple for your child either. I am willing to bet that he doesn't like this at all. He doesn't like disappointing you, making you angry, getting bad grades.

He may just not know how to get out of the hole he has dug for himself. Be patient, calm and talk with him when he is willing to or wanting to talk. Get help from wherever you can.

This is probably not something you have done wrong. It is most probably the result of a kid who just isn't a traditional kind of learner being forced to learn in a traditional manner.Be really observant and you will be able to help him figure this out. It may take time....feel free to ask more specific questions anytime.

Sources: my experience sweets's Recommendations Ending The Homework Hassle Amazon List Price: $9.95 Used from: $0.01 Average Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5 (based on 16 reviews) How to Do Homework Without Throwing Up Amazon List Price: $8.95 Used from: $2.98 Average Customer Rating: 5.0 out of 5 (based on 11 reviews) Two very good, very entertaining books that could help - the first one for you and the second one for him. :D .

Consider a Sudbury model type of school. This type of school, modeled after the Sudbury Valley School in Framingham, MA has a very interesting point of view on education. It gives kids the chance to take control of their time and learn what they want.My son went to it and it completely changed his take on education.

See sudval.org for more information. It's not for everyone but its an alternative that works for some kids..

Home Schooling My daughter-in-law actually home schooled my granddaughter for an entire year. She had restricted radio, tv, and other activities. In other words she was on a year-long restriction.

This helped as she is now a happy 9th grader (she completed 7th and 8th during the one year of home schooling). There is not more trouble with homework assignments or anything else. I thought it was a little extreme but they thought it was the best thing and it seemed to work..

This is the exact thing that happened to my son at this age! I read your question and it was like you were describing him exactly! I talked with his teachers about it and they said it is typical for boys his age to "forget" to turn in their homework.It is really frustrating.

S teachers in 6th grade were happy to help him remember and ask him for his homework, but in 7th grade when he went into junior high, they didn't help him, it was his responsibility and his grades plummeted! One thing we did this year was instead of one notebook with dividers, he has a different colored folder for each class. He keeps his homework on one side and other papers on the other side.

When he gets to that class, he takes out that folder rather than his whole notebook. That made a big difference with my son. Sources: My son .

It is tough - I went through this with my son he was non compliant one of the problems is so much middle school homework is busy work. Is it your eldest? .

Parenting advice needed for a stubborn 4 year old.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.