How to recognize a narcissist when I see one?

You cannot do this for him. Narcissists have no idea they are narcissists and they would have to become "self-actualized" to even recognize the narcissism. It would take an act of the Divine within to awaken them.

When narcissists do awaken it is an ugly sight. The messes they have left behind in their wake are almost too much for them to overcome. As you know, I was married to one and was raised by one.

The X was worse and he isn't getting any better. Sometimes there is a realization on his part for example: He called me a few weeks ago to tell me to talk to our middle son because he was working too much and he didn't want him to be like him. The next day he was back to his narcissistic self.

Almost as if he never knew what he had said to me or if he was another person channeling through him. Even if you both go to counseling (which is a miracle he suggested going) he will turn it around on you. Everything is your fault..that is what they do.

They exaggerate, lie and say things that you never said. They also will say you are the one who has a problem or that you are psycho. They put you on the spot until you are exhausted looking for ways to prove to them what they really said.

By the way they are really good at changing the story in the middle of a conversation. My x-therapist once told me when he is vile to me just say something off the wall. I tried this once when he called me yelling at me about something and I said, "wow the weather sure is beautiful"...then he said, "it sure is".

Odd? The other thing they like to do is always get the last word in like..."Oh and by the way...." and it is usually really ugly. They also like being right about everything and no one else is smarter than them.

My X called me last year and said he was in counseling. He was becoming aware of his love for money, but a few days later he was back to the way he was. When they have those moments of self-awareness it is too much to handle so they go back quickly to the familiar.

Why do I understand this because I lived with it my entire life. I can see it a mile a way. I can read right through narcissism.

One of my friends who is a neuro-feedback psychologist told me after my awakening that she thought my X was a narcissist. I had never heard of this before so I went to the internet for resources. Even when you are away from them they will never leave you alone...ever!

The best thing you can do is just get your own counseling without him! The reason I won't do this anymore is because I equipped myself with much information and it cost to much for me. I live in an area where there are women who have been devastated by this kind of personality disorder from their X's or dads.

With them, you and my contacts on here I am finding solace and my self-esteem. It does take years to rebuild what they have torn down. You have probably heard of this guy but he is a self-proclaimed extreme narcissist.

http://samvak.tripod.com You never get over the abuse they have covered you with, but the more you understand this monster the better equipped you are to recover. Peace my friend. Mudslinger I agree with Ivy!

My X went to marriage counseling with me and found fault in both counselors. Nothing was resolved and he didn't even talk. OurScott...Thank you for being here and sharing your experience.

You can help many of us who have to deal with narcissists!

Narcissists, by classical definition, cannot see their own failures- everything is someone else's problem. He's done nothing wrong, no matter WHAT he does. It's ALWAYS someone else's problem.

No counseling will ever help him. Even if the counselor tells him that he's the problem, he'll retort with "that guy doesn't know the situation! I'm not the bad guy!

He's a bad counselor!" You need to just leave the guy. There are 6.8 billion people on this earth, and half of them are men.

Go find one that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.