I really don't want to have sex with her, or even get past second! but I don't know what she wants. help?

Please do. It seems like you need to talk to someone, and I would. Do this for your own sake, and try your very best to keep a positive attitude.

Even if it means smiling for ten seconds when you are upset.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.