True Heron Story Part II--will you read it and suggest improvements?

I cannot write what you need to say in other words, so I will pretend you said "Hiramize" this poem. Two Futures Sing me a song from the long agos When the sun hung low and the willow weeps Dreamscapes and faces, memory forgoes Under nightfall, while one future sleeps Curled fetal form breathing in and out An infant trying to remember the womb Hid from the inhumane February wind Which unwelcome stays, he is roused too soon. Gnarled leafless limbs, sway outside shutters Mother hears her child's cry, desperate, needing Scratching appendages claw leaf-rotted gutters.

While she feels her warm blanket of youth receding. Once held to her breast the child ceases crying. One haunts her dreams, one snuggles her pillow One future now suckles, so satisfying Another long ago future lies cold beneath the willow.

Personally the eerie is what makes it so powerful. The only thing I could suggest and even this suggestion you honestly don't even need to take is that on this stanza of your poem: The mother hears her child's cry Turn desperate and needing. She slips out of her warm blanketing, With dreams of her youth receding.

I say that you could take out the "her" of the third line because I found that I stopped reading the poem when I got to that and read it without and I kinda liked it better. And like I find when i'm writing I try to avoid doing things like his this and his that and his something. Even tho you do it only twice I feels like its too much..... But seriously you don't even need to take my suggestion because this poem is seriously wonderful.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.