Don't punish yourself. You have already settled within yourself that what you did was wrong. You cannot change what you did, but you can move on and reassure him that you acted out of emotion.
We all have been guilty of reacting "in the moment" just as you did. Take inventory of yourself. Be honest enough to accept that you may need some counselling in the area of emotion or self control.
If this is something that you do regularly, I would definitely reccommend counselling from someone you trust. You are totally normal. You have to forgive yourself though...it's not fair to the relationship or you.
The only thing I have learned in life is to forgive and move on. This is in the past. There will not be anything you can do to make it right and instead of hurting yourself even more by trying too hard and possibly ruining yourself even further, move on.
Saying you're sorry is the best thing right now. When you say it and mean it, you'll feel better. That way you can move on instead of dwelling and having the guilt consume you.
Trust me..
Just pray and ask God for forgiveness. It is there...and it's free. Then talk to your boyfriend.
You have recently had a baby. Your hormones are still wonky believe it or not. Don't be so hard on yourself.
You are worthy. And if your boyfriend truly loves you, he will think that you are worthy as well.
You need to go and look in the mirror...and tell yourself..." I am a good person, and I am worthy of this man" and repeat it several times. Sometimes we all, men and women alike...think that we "aren't worthy" or "don't deserve" someone that is so good to us. You are right...Satan had control of that one sweetie.....God will forgive you.
That is why Jesus died for you....for your sins.
I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.