Would you please read this poem and give it the proper Critique & Constructive Criticism?

Well, if nothin' else, m'new friend, you attract sparklin' commentary, even explicitly from andy and tori (Both quite insightful and pleasantly NOT harsh!), but I don't find that at all surprising; your delivery and material are very comfortable and identifiable...apparently across many varied backgrounds/locales! Love themes, though...definitely helps! I'll wait 'til it's finished to comment myself other than to agree that it needs editing, but only dependent on the goal.

I've written many things that I could have rewritten, but haven't because I appreciate what their original form tells me about not only me, but that moment of inspiration vice what "editorial talent" I could bring to bear...once removed from the inspirational fire! Mostly, I'm enormously encouraged by a man who finds emotion and inspiration within his own realm of existence from which to draw on to create...especially family, which has always been enormously inspirational for me, and, in specific, m'own dad! IMHO, your flow could use some work.

I care little for specificed formats other than the mental exercise they often provide! Write from the heart...pen something that makes us feel what you feel, as you feel it, the way you feel it...therein is the sweet trick! Try less to be cool and more to be you, for you'll never be good at being anything other, unless actin' IS in your blood!

But flow is the real key, beyond, of course, simply content! How does it feel to you when you read it back to yourself aloud?!? That is a most telling exercise as well!

If you've a cam on your laptop, tryin' video capture and playback...then you'll be able to self-critique as easily as we could possibly do from out here in the goldfish-bowl perspective without your inhernet understanding of intent. Write first for you, and let those who enjoy you, tag along...and those who do not, fall away! That will always be the case n'matter what, anyway!

WRITE ON...^10!

Hey. Its ok, with some nice images, but overall it feels a little over-worked, flowery, obscure and wordy. Clunky phrases like 'Swiftly it came' and 'male bonding we were wishing' stand out.

It feels like it needs editing down to be a really decent poem. Also, some of the rhymes can be a little cringe making- storm and morn, feign and remain... I would suggest a bit of a re-working. Someone once said to me that with poetry, I should always be asking myself- what am I trying to say?

And that really helped. Remember you're describing an event that no-one else knows, so clarity is your friend! Sorry if this seems a little harsh.

Anyway, will look out for your next bit....

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.