My 12 year old daughter is terrified to stay at home alone, even for 1 hr. We live in a safe neighborhood. How do I get her to feel safe?

I'm a former member of the military and I remember well the evening two separate homes on a guarded military base were broken into and two young girls (both home alone) were attacked. Their parents thought they were in a safe neighborhood, too. I'd be careful about assuming that living in an 'upstanding' community or even a gated community means it's safe for a naive, inexperienced young girl.

Secondly, I would strongly encourage you to listen to your daughter's concerns. There may be more behind it than just not wanting to be by herself in the house. Why is she afraid to be alone?

Does she feel unprepared to handle an emergency should one arise? Go over smart safety practices with her: what to do if someone comes to the house while she's alone, basic first aid in case she gets hurts, emergency phone numbers and the pertinent info she should give out, etc.Is she mature enough to handle being alone? There are some questions you can ask yourself to help assess if she is, in fact, ready to be left alone even for an hour.

Is she able to think and act for herself in a crisis situation? Will she come straight home and not allow others into the house while you're away? Does she do well in following the rules you've established on a regular basis?

I would recommend starting her out with another person in the home with her. Does she have a reliable and trusted friend or relative close to her age? Maybe allowing them to stay for an hour alone would raise her confidence and ability to handle the responsibility.

Personally, if my child was that afraid of being alone, I'd try to find another solution. Fear is a powerful thing. Forcing your daughter into a situation that is terrifying to her will only make her more uncomfortable and unsure of herself.

I've included a few links for you to check out. The first gives things to consider before leaving a child alone. The other, by ChildCareAware, brings up some important questions and advice about deciding whether or not your child is ready to stay alone.

First and foremost, talk to your daughter and really listen to her. Good luck!

I think you need to talk to her about her fears and see if you can identify why she is scared. You might make her feel better by addressing the fears and reassurring her that she shouldn't be afraid. Also, talk to her about what to do if something were to happen (like a stranger comes to the door, don't answer it, etc..).

If she knows how to deal with possible situations she might feel better. Make sure she has your cell phone number and that you can be easily reached. Maybe she's not quite ready to be left alone yet, since she is scared.Is there a responsible kid a year or two older than her who could come over when you go out?

When I was a 13 or so, I used to go to a neighbour's house to be with their 11 year old, she wasn't quite old enough to be left alone, but didn't want a babysitter. I watched movies with her or played games, it was like we were hanging out. The parents paid me a few dollars for coming over.

Another thing to try would be to only leave for a few minutes at a time for the first few times, kind of ease her into it. Maybe go visit a neighbour for 20 minutes or run to the store to grab something quick. She might feel more comfortable if she realizes she's okay to be home alone for awhile.

You may want to consider not leaving her at home at age 12. No neighborhoods are as safe as they seem these days. However you may want to get some help for her before this turns into a major phobia.

I do not know why your daughter is terrified to stay alone, if you live in a safe neighborhood. Maybe, she is not telling you something. I, personally, do not like the idea of leaving a girl so young alone at home.

I know that sometimes we, parents, have emergencies. However, I just think that, bad things can happen and someone might try to break in and do something to her. Sometimes, bad things happen in good neighborhoods.

Beginning at the age of 10, I had to walk home alone from school, enter the house alone and stay by myself for 2-3 hours every day. It was dreadful and I hated it every single day, I tried to talk with my parents but they said I was being silly. That was over 4 decades ago and because of that time period, I still hate to stay home alone.

I would say respect your daughter's fears and try not to make her stay home alone before she is ready. These days I think "safe neighborhood" is an oxymoron, or in other words there is no such thing as a safe neighborhood.

Try leaving her alone for a quick trip to the gas station or something. Make sure she has your cell phone number. I assume at age 12 she is able to use the phone by herself.

After she feels comfortable with you being gone for 5-10 minutes, it will get easier to leave her for a little longer. Ease into it though. After she's OK with 5-10 minutes, try 30. Make sure she always has a number where she can reach you.

If possible, have a neighbor or family member check in on her every so often and give her their number that she can call if she feels she needs someone to come over right away.

Stay with her at home or send her to a friends house.

You must find the source of the fear first. What is causing to be so afraid? Did she have a traumatic event to incite fear?

Does she have attachment issues---so she cannot be alone and is codependent on others? Or you can just get her dog.

A pet to give her the sense of protection and gives her the feeling that she is not alone. Having things for her to do to make her feel as though while she is home she is participating in household and family needs thus keeping her mind off of being alone and giving a feeling of importance and family contribution. Being involved in a hobby the gives her such interest she just can't wait to be home to work on it.

You also must think about the possibility of an underlying problem with your daughter making her this way. You might want to gradually in conversations nonshallontly bringing into the conversations things that might help her open up to things that bother her being alone. Not something anyone want to think or believe but children give signs we sometimes don't recognize immediately to something that may be either going on with them or have happened to them.

Good luck.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.