Read this short excerpt, tell me what you think?!?!?!?!?

I like the bits you would be able to keep consistent in the rest of the piece (i.e. "ye" and any slang, like "nick"), but towards the second half the accent got a little too heavy, like with the cutting off of "g"s, and a little inconsistent, which became problematic for me. For example, when I read "This client paid a fine hand for the trader’s death.

I did ye a solid by giving you that kill," I read it in a really exaggerated way, as "Theeeze clien' paid a faauuhn han' for theeee trauhder's deeeth. I did ye a solid by givin' yoou thaaaht keeel." Even though you wrote that part in a very straight-forward way, I read it using the accent I'd heard before, which was a bit severe.

I'm not sure if you want the accent heavy or not, but I'd reread through and edit accordingly, keeping it simple. Then again, maybe it's just an issue I have... just have more people read it and if you find they agree at all, simplify the accent. If not, I'm probably just an outlier.

Good job anyway, fun to read!

It says Kleevar, but I keep reading Kleenex. :) No, actually, it's good, but some of the language sounds like you're trying too hard. It sounds forced and choppy.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.