Correction of a short text in English?

Oh, you mean employees/families - so you don't need "it's". A (watchmaker/yacht maker) held a fun day for two-thousand people, organizing a variety of events for its employees and their families. Individual divisions put their work on display, and money was raised for charity.

In this way, companies can attract more and more people to see their work (or: the company can attract more and more people to see its work). ...to show what they do, and finally companies try to raise money for charity. (A comma is needed.) However, these events are not cheap to hold and they also take a huge effort to organize, even if they're organized by large companies... Watch out for punctuation, but well done!

A yacht maker held a fun day for his two thousand employees' organising a variety of events' for them and their families'. Individuals' put on a display of their work while raising money for charity. It was a thank you to the staff but also a good way of getting other companies' to see what they did.

However the event was not cheap to run although it was organised by a large company which played an important role in the community. Hope this makes' sense. It was easier to write it as one person and not a company if you see what I mean.

Best of luck with your learning. They say the english language is the hardest to learn.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.