How can a person who's own guilt is driving them to hate someone else be helped?

Similar Questions: person guilt driving hate helped Recent Questions About: person guilt driving hate helped.

See a therapist. There are people who are trained to guide you through the maze of your mind. Guilt and hate are products of a misperception of reality.

Until a you are clear about why you have these feelings, and why it is they are not truly valid, you cannot be helped. Only when you cease to justify guilt and hatred can you be free of them. A therapist knows how to help you see clearly how the mind works and why we make the mistakes we do.

Oh contrare . . .

For it is I who is the hated. The hater is far too much a sociopath to bow to such convention. Happy2letergo 1 month ago .

Oh, I see. Well, if they won't bow to convention, what can you do but take it upon yourself to alter your own response? The only control any of us has, is over our own mind and emotions.

And we do have a tremendous power to use. Since you have no power over the person in question, how about changing your own reaction to them? That is well within your ability to do.

When people hate their the object of their hatred has little to really do with the person they think they hate, and a great deal to do with their own inability to correctly perceive a situation. Blame is a dysfunction of the mind that results. We must all take responsibility for our own feelings and reactions.

That person is obviously incapable of that level of performance. What is there to do in order to change anything other than to use your own self authority to recreate your response to them by understanding you are just a focal point at that they are using to position an ever present disconnect from themselves? I would bet that this person's life is a very unhappy one because you are most likely not the only person they are blaming for uncomfortable experiences in their life.

So....bottom line. You do nothing about them, and focus on YOU. Don't respond.

Don't react. Its like watching a child in a tantrum. You have no power to do anything that will change them.

I hope you believe this. I have studied the way in which the mind works, written about it, and made it a big part of my life. But, in the end its up to you.

If you choose to seek another answer, that is your right. I hope you find resolution! Good luck.

We think alike. Did you happen to notice my username? I was married 20 years.

Not all of them like a child having a tantrum (a 33-53 yr old child), but in the end just as nerve wracking. She did everything she could to unnerve me, sometimes right in front of our children. I think to try to get me to hit her or something.

I thank God for my ability to contain myself. The last draw was when she was bombed and spouting off how I was a whiney excuse of a man and she needed a real man, she didn't love me and didn't want to be married to me, as our crying children dialed 911. I walked away.

I didn't want my 11yr old daughter to see me get hauled away in cuffs,I told my son to have the sheriff call me when they got there. There were no charges because no sign of physical contact. She took the kids and I didn't see them for 3 months.

She filed for divorce. She's been nothing but hateful and vindictive since. She's manipulate the kids, her family and friends against me.

I filed for custody of the kids and got temporary joint legal custody. I'll tell you what . .

. Walking on broken glass barefoot isn't as tough as being under this microscope. She distorts, exaggerates, fabricates and down right lies about anything and everything.

Then wraps it up nicely in $200 letter to my lawyer from hers. Now it's like crawling out of the gulf after the big oil spill and I just have to get the crap off of me. I see a counselor, she was also our marriage counselor for a while, she is both very helpful and amazed with my attitude and perspective.

She wants to know where I see myself in 5 years. I equated the whole mess to her as being in the eye of a hurricane. Stuff flyin' everywhere, so much debris I can't see nothin.

I'm moving with the storm, not really in a lot of danger as long as I keep in the eye. But not in a real relaxing spot either. One of these days the storm will move over a subway station and I'll duck in and come out ten miles away.

Grab my board and hit the beach. There is about 6 weeks until our trial date. I'm surprised nobody's written in suggesting a 12 gauge.

LOL Really, Thanks! I've struggled with all the whys and hows. I've been told I should lose battles to win the war ( for custody of the children ) I've been told to stay the kind loving person I am and to kiss some butt.

While she throws every trick in the book at me. Carelessly cuts me and laughs while I'm bleedin'. It's all been really hard, I truly was the co-dependent in a narcissistic personality disorder/sociopathic relationship and any kind words to soften the blows are greatly appreciated.

Happy2letergo 1 month ago .

Omg. You have been dealing with a mentally ill Narcissistic personality disorder. I know a woman who is frighteningly similar to your wife, one of my husband's ex wives.

That is a lose lose situation. Its like dealing with a sociopath. Well, it IS dealing with a sociopath, why sugar coat it?

You cannot trust they have sane boundaries, because they don't. It is hero to zero in 60 seconds and then they feel justified in going into full blown psychosis to blame everyone and everything under the sun for every one of their woes. I feel for you buddy.

They never give up, they never give in, they never GIVE anything but heartache. Those people are lost in space. There is no reasoning with them because they are so sewn into their own dream fabric, they cannot see anything but there own misery and though they aren't consciously aware of it, they harbor a desperate hope that someone will come along they can heap their nightmare onto in a unending tirade of caustic blame.

Blame is their religion and they worship it, bow before it and are willing to kill for it. They are so disconnected from their own humanity they are practically growing circuits. BUT, they will always feel superior to anyone in the room.

I've told you nothing, no, not one thing you don't already know. I realize this, but I wanted you to know I feel for you because I think I get the situation. All of that being said, when reason just won't do, there is the gentle Yogic concept of gracefully enduring.

This concept has to do with the concept, and you might not like this one bit, that all we experience in our lives is our own Karma returning to give us experiences that, once we endure them, clears our own debt for our own actions in past lives. When you comprehend the concept, the idea of being victimized by another vanishes. Not everyone finds this comforting.

But what it does, is put the ball back into your own court. Dealing with impossible situations calls for enduring. Once you have done everything you can to eradicate it, quit fighting the memory of the horror of it.

Quit beating your head and your heart against it and lay down the weapons. Its time for a rest. Its time to see it for what it is, agree to let it pass like the storm that it is, and know that when it finally does, it will bring you greater freedom in your own heart, mind, and spirit.

Yes you feel anger, resentment and frustration, but the feeling of it IS the diminishing of it. Move into the pain and out the other side. That is what will bring you peace.

Her stuff is HER stuff and not your stuff. Witnessing the hideous behavior of an unwell mind SUCKS! But, you will never have to deal with it again in any lifetime.

You may just think I'm nuts. I'm not trying to hoist my own perception of reality on you. You can take or blissfully leave it.

But you must have compassion for yourself for being willing to deal with this karma. It is a noble thing, and in the end, you will win.

Again we think alike. I've studied no mind, I have leafed through the users manual of mine, I've written no books. I have a mantra from the TM Institute and I've meditated through out all this.

I actually do feel this eerie calm. I've never really been in the eye of a hurricane, I have witnessed the calm before a tornado. They have to be similar.

She has been doing some really irrational things. The last months, since she filed have been constant turmoil. The kids had a wish of having Christmas together.

The two of them and I bought and prepared food and had gotten some of the tree trimming out and were just going to have a few snacks and sit in our hot tub. Call a truce like the soldiers in WW1. Peace on Earth.

She hadn't been to the house in a while and when everything wasn't were she thought it should be . . .

Peace turned to hell on earth. The kids were crying, she stormed out and went to the bar and drank until the next day. She did come from a broken home, she spoke of it in marriage counseling.

I told her over and over that I wasn't like her dad. I wasn't going to run out on her. I was in it for her and the kids.

Maybe that's why it's so strange now. Before I was spinning like a top, trying to deal with everything, and now that I've stopped, everything else is spinning around me. None-the-less, it has been calm around here.

My home sits a couple hundred yards from the Mississippi River on the eastern tip of Iowa. I've lived here since 1970. It has always seemed like a sanctuary to me.

I opened it to her and she felt it too. It's serenity got some shacking too but things are settling down. As my counselor was advising me to look for wedding gifts and making list, burning them and letting things go with the smoke.

I asked her. What if I do all this and in six months she wants to come back? A Phd Dr of psychology and psychiatry says," I'm not gonna come right out and call you a dumb a** but that would be a really dumb a** thing to do.

" She sometimes has to talk to me on my level. I wish there was something I could do about the kids. Oddly enough though she seems generally pretty calm around them.

For now, they are 15 and 12. The worst/best is yet to come. As far as Karma goes I think I'm sitting on a treasure trove after all this, not paying a debt.

I will dispense my bounty to others as I always have. I will watch the river flow. I thank you again for your thoughts and insight.

Happy2letergo 1 month ago .

TM is wonderful. I've been doing it for years. It actually sounds like you're handling well and have it in perspective.

Your home should be a sanctuary. That's really great. Here's a little something for you: youtube.com/watch?v=moCf_pghM-UThere is a great saying: Before your are enlightened, you chop wood and carry water.

After you are enlightened, you chop wood and carry water. Peace. Com/watch?

V=moCf_pghM-U.

Enlightenment just don't know what it is it's always up to you wake upenlightenment says the world is nothin nothin but dream everything is an illusion and nothin is realI love John Lennon's work. Was/is Yoko narcissistic? Happy2letergo 1 month ago .

"I don't think Yoko is narcissistic because she cares too much about people and the world. Every narcissist I have ever known cares only about themselves without exception. I do however, see her as a very eccentric artist who colors way outside the box.

She sees the moments of life as an art form, which I really admire.

The song and album are both titled "enlightenment". I've been thinking about your suggestion/advice. With that in mind....Is it any wonder Tibet is in the position it is in.

Patiently, peacefully waiting, paying their dues while the aggressor, not unknowingly, unflinchingly, extinguishes the most peaceful race the world has ever seen. How exactly do the meek inherit the Earth? Happy2letergo 28 days ago .

In my humble opinion, the people in Tibet live up to ideals that the aggressors in this world can't even fathom. They're like kittens in a shark tank. But then, aren't we all in some aspect of the concept?

Haven't we all been shredded while striving not to become like our aggressors at some, or many points in time?.....sometimes in the simplest of moments. However, the principle is still the same. Wounds do heal, but willingness to attack, take from and bring harm to another registers energetically and there is nothing that can deter its return to ravage the attackers with their own blows....Karmageddon!

Lol As with most of the concepts in the bible, that poor old black book that people hurl at each other in fits of self righteous rage, you can either dismiss them altogether for being mere stories told by men with women issues and glorified egos to control the masses, or you can see it in symbolic terms. The meek inheriting the earth....Yah, but after the aggressors are done with it, it will look like a smoking burnt potato chip wafting up towards the moon. So, I'll humbly offer my take on it.

It is not to be taken in any way literally. How could that be possible? In a nutshell, it is about developing the higher centers of mind, forsaking the primitive brain and instinct of survival of the fittest and fear, and embracing concepts of love, unity, harmony and oneness with indwelling divinity.

Inheriting is obtaining a birthright, one's inherent divinity. The earth is the world that is born of the energetic synergy of those who embrace these characteristics. Remember, there may be many more than one earth.

I hope that's not too much of a stretch. The meek inheriting the earth isn't about being a tormented victim until some fine day the aggressors finally are somehow gone in 60 seconds and whoopie, its ours all ours! LOL Nope.

Its about laws of energy and principles of creation that bible thumpers couldn't fathom even if they visited Einstein's brain on a field trip. So the peaceful patience exhibited by the Tibetans are perhaps their own karma and the simultaneous embracing of their new transitional experience. My opinion.

I crave it but can't have it for health reasons. Help! " "i really hate that person, and that person really hates me but I do feel something for him,i cant forget him" "I am a very crafty person, however, I tried sewing once and I suck at it.

I hate the instructions that come with..." "If person helped you so much after you moved to new area, she is so nice but too much hide and covered up so well? " "Should mental health warnings be placed in shopping malls, warning you against getting into debt? " "How do you think we can reform mental health coverage in the U.S.?" "Mental health question regarding sadness.

" "Can it be harmful to one's physical and mental health to practice abstinence? Details..." "what do the articls say about the person driving the newspaper and magazines.

I'm sure you guys probably hate these mental health questions, but....

I crave it but can't have it for health reasons. Help!

I really hate that person, and that person really hates me but I do feel something for him,i cant forget him.

I am a very crafty person, however, I tried sewing once and I suck at it. I hate the instructions that come with...

What do the articls say about the person driving the newspaper and magazines.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.