Mansi asks: Can you forgive without forgetting?

Forgiveness isn't about forgetting. It is the ability to remember without feeling the emotional sting.

I think memory plays a security role in our lives, to help prevent the same bad things from happening to us over and over. Like the child remembers that the candle flame burns, we remember the emotionally painful episodes of life so that we can avoid repeating them ad infinitum. Forgiveness also plays a role, by allowing us to avoid being consumed with bitterness, desires for revenge, and an all-encompassing spirit of negativity.In addition, if an unforgiving attitude becomes the norm for us, we run the risk of being unable to forgive ourselves or to accept forgiveness from others.

The real question is this: How do memory and forgiveness work together in making us whole and well adjusted, or do they? Perhaps the severity or frequency of the misdeed must be taken into account. Probably the real or perceived danger, and the possibility of repeat offenses must be taken into account.

Small offenses that are not likely to be repeated are easily forgiven and forgotten. Large offenses with devastating consequences, that are likely to be repeated unless action is taken: much harder to forgive and forget, and truthfully, I have to wonder if they even SHOULD be. I suspect that we can all let go of bitterness and malice in our hearts toward one who has wronged us, without giving up a watchfulness against any repeat performances that may occur in the future.

I love this Bryan Adams video about forgiveness.

In my personal opinion, forgetting is a vow of ignorance. I like think along the lines of crediting people for the kind of person they are. And a person that does not feel it be appropriate for them to weigh out based on how they have been to you is a person that believes in no personal accountability.No accountability for what you have done means no paying for the damage you have done.

If it is someone you care for, then asking them to make it up to you would be a sound course of action. If they hide behind "But I said I'm sorry." then in truth, they are not. A truly apologetic person would want to make amends for the wrong they have caused at the very least in a fair way.

Only a deceiver would deny your claim before hearing what you would ask of them. If they agree, then it should also be a fair request, to them and to you... of equal personal value- not monetary unless that was the function of how you were wronged. In the end, should amends be made, you will have a memory of them wronging you- but also that they did face your possible wrath and repay you.

Everyone will hurt you sometime. Its the ones that will own your pain for you and reimburse your troubles. I generally limit (or try to at least) to limit the people a draw close to the 66/33%.

2/3rd good for me, 1/3rd bad... the 1/3 bad being the maximum that can go.2 parts good, one to cancel the one part bad, and one to enjoy and add to your life. Final answer- I never forgive OR forget, because re-occurring issues should be addressed and removed. I accept mistakes are made, disbelieve coincidence, and give credit where credit is due.

On a note: I read your blog. You strike me as a person to wax philosophy with. I'm a recovering crate of damaged goods that discovered ... well... don't completely know yet.

But it's dragging my ass through Aristotle currently. Message me if you want to chat.

Yes, it is possible to forgive and forget, but I actually think it is better to not forget. Forgiveness is a powerful thing, just read Dr. King's "Power to Love" and you'll know what I'm talking about. But forgiveness and memory are different functions of the human mind.

Forgiveness is a concept, a social principle and it is learned. Memory and the capacity to forget is physiological and sometimes uncontrollable. If someone has caused me pain in the past, I may have forgiven them a long time ago, but I never forgot what they did.

Everyone can remember the first time they broke up with their partner, lost a loved one, were spit on at a Raider's game. Anything can trigger these memories. The memory has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it.

Therefore, forgetting is not that crucial of an element, it's actually healthy to remember...remember? The actual million-dollar question is, "Once you remember, how does it affect you? " If you have truly forgiven that person or persons, then you shouldn't be that greatly affected by the memory.

You should be able to reasonably accept what has happened, remind yourself of your principles and beliefs and not become emotionally charged by the memory. It's called educating your emotions. Check out Friedrich Schiller on the subject.

Thank you for your honesty in sharing. Yes, indeed. 'Not that I make it a point to remember … but you know … I just can’t forget.' You said that it's a trick you play with your mind.

I do that too, and I believe many people does that as well. Many times, our mind leads our feelings, but we are not in control of our minds. Our mind control us.

Can you forgive without forgetting? My answer will be 'no' and 'yes'. Many times I tried.

I couldn't succeed. Actually, the harder I tried, the more my mind play tricks and the deeper I sink into the feeling and thoughts of unfairness, anger, disappointment. I failed over and over again.

But I can clearly say that there are two experiences, where I felt so bitter, so out of control that I cannot control my anger and severe dislike, or maybe even hatred. Many times I just wanted to disappear when the other is around. The feeling is terrible.

But I want to thank people besides me, and thank God. When they come to me, they prayed for me. I remember the friend who helped me with my second experience.

I told her, I really can't help it. I can't do anything. She replied: Let go and let God.

She shared with me her experiences and prayed for me. I can testify that amazing things happen. Things that I do not understand how and why.

I can now forgive. If you ask me if I can still remember the past, the events, etc... my answer is 'yes'. I still remember them clearly.

If you ask me if I still feel hurt by what had happened, my answer is 'no'. My wounds are healed. The chains is broken.

It no longer ties me up. I am free. What else do I learn from this?

I thought that after going through the first experience, that I now know how to deal with it myself and that I can solve it myself and have the freedom myself. But now I know I am wrong. I can't do it by myself.

I need God. This is a beautiful song that I would like to share with you. May the chains that ties you up breaks too, and may you experience freedom.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.