Would you care to read my poem about a young girl dying from TB in 1920, comments and critique welcome?

Not a lot going on here, but what there is gets shown clearly and without buttonholing. It is good, effective, low-intensity verse. Writing this sort of thing is essential practice, and keeps you ready for when something big comes along.

It was very laid-back. Is there nothing that makes you angry, nothing that makes you excited, nothing that drives you wild? You have those horses under control, but there would be no harm in letting them break up to a canter.

Beware of adjectives: they nearly always dissipate energy in a poem. Keep on keeping on (as others seem to have remarked).

Spent my last three years in the Navy living in Pearl Harbor area and flyin' to Guam for patrols! Lotsa beaches involved with that lifestyle. For my part, I must agree with RB, that there was the chance to inject something YOU-nique, that was missed...and that you, instead, wrote blinded by pureness.

Am a bonded, licensed, and card-carryin' cynic; I believe in pureness only hopefully, and have experienced it...well...never, this side of active cognition (Mebbe babes in arms.)! However, I must also agree that he has you pegged 100%. I hope we'll be seein' you 'round heah for a long time t'come!

Not only are you good, you're thoroughly enjoyable, and your penchant for courtesy is NOT t'be overlooked too! Write on...

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.