Wanting to leave an abusive boyfriend?

Honey, your mom is involved with an abusive alcoholic. I am a recovering alcoholic of 20 yrs. & have been involved with domestic violence with an ex husband who also is an alcoholic.

This man is NOT going to change. I'm not at all trying to scare you, only tell you the truth. Alcoholism is a progressive, addictive, cunning killer disease, hopefully not taking anyone else along with him.

She is getting herself way involved over her head & doesn't have any idea what she's dealing with. Your sister is NOT safe there with them. Your mom is not safe, but it's your sister I'm worried about for many reasons.

My heart so goes out to her. This man could hurt your sister or mother in a complete drunken black out & never remember doing it. What a way for a 14 yr.

Old to have to live. Is there any way you could get her out of the house & living with someone else? What should honestly happen is to have someone call the police when he's there in a drunken rage & take out a Restraining Order on him.

He would not be allowed near the home or have any contact with them at all. IF your mom would only go to an Alanon mtg. She would hear stories about alcoholics & learn a bit about them.

You could go with her. Just call the 800# for Alcohol, ask for the next closest mtg. To your home & GO GO GO!

Let your mom hear what alcoholics can do to people. What kind of lives they live. Your sister should be taken out of that house with him there.

Of course you could call DYFUS & they would place her somewhere, but is that what you would want them to do. Is there any way she could stay with you? Could you contact your father & have him take her to live with him to protect her?

I have lived on both sides of the coin, the drunk side the sober side. I too hurt my 3 adult children when they were younger. They are so glad to have their mother back again.

You have got to impress on your mom what could happen to both her & your sister. This alcoholic is just going to get much worse as time goes by. It IS a progressive disease.

She is risking her life & your sister's life by being involved with him. He is not capable of love, his true love is alcohol & that's what rules his life. Just see IF your mom will go to an Alanon mtg.

With you or even by herself. She has to find out what she's living with. What she's risking her life for.

He's NOT worth it. My daughter wrote me a letter. She told me she was not going to call me after a certain time of the day as she knew I was drunk & it hurt her.

This was was got to my guilt & finally led me to get sober. She sends me a card every yr & gets me a gift. This date is more important to me than my B.D. Do you think if you wrote a heart to heart letter to your mom she would read it?

You could tell her how she's risking her life & her daughter's life by staying with this man. Tell her your sister is actually living in her bedroom without eating she is so afraid of this man. Could you appeal to her for your sister's sake.

Maybe threaten to call the authorities & tell them the conditions your sister is living with & scare her that way? Someone has to get thru to her some way, some how. How I wish I could help, but hopefully I've given you some ideas that just may help you all...I SO wish you the best, honey...:).

I'm so sorry you and your sister are going through this crap! Your mom is being totally irresponsible and this guy she's with is a true idiot. You need to tell your dad to file for custody of your sister and tell him WHY.

And be willing to say this to a judge. You can also contact social service and they'll go out and visit. I'm so sorry.... sometimes adults are just plain STUPID!

And here's another idea. Move back in (apologize to your mom, it's called irish blarney, to get back in). When you're back in - the next time that guy starts off on your mom... call 911.

:-).

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.