How can I manage feelings of guilt and shame when I am depressed?

Guilt and shame can be healthy human emotions, reminding us that we have a responsibility to treat others with respect. These emotions can point us to areas in which we may need to improve and can mobilize us to accept responsibility for mistakes we’ve made. But in the midst of depression, guilt and shame can be overwhelming, and people who are depressed often take on much more of the blame for situations than they deserve.

While it’s healthy to take responsibility for your actions, too much self-blame and criticism will make you feel bad without solving any of the real problems. Step 1. Begin by answering the following questions in a journal: - What do I think of myself?

- What am I telling myself? - How do I feel as though I am to blame? - What do I feel shame about?

Step 2. Now divide a page in half and label the two columns Evidence For and Evidence Against. Write down all evidence to support or refute the idea that you are directly and solely responsible for any situations that you may be feeling guilt or shame about.

Step 3. Look at the evidence in both columns, and for each piece of evidence, determine if it is true. Focus on the facts, rather than blame.

Step 4. After a careful analysis of the facts, if there are clear mistakes you’ve made and ways in which you’ve contributed to hurtful situations, consider the following points: - It can be helpful to own up to any responsibility you may have had and apologize or make other amends, as appropriate. Write down what you feel responsible for.

- Consider your intentions. Most often, we don’t mean to cause pain even when we do. Write down your intentions.

- Give yourself permission to change your guilt into regret. Guilt is painful because it conveys the message that you are a bad person just because you made a mistake. Regret takes this “badness of self” out of the equation.

It’s natural and healthy to regret causing pain, but making it into a test of your worth as a human causes even more pain than the original mistake. - Consider the many times you’ve been kind, considerate, helpful, sympathetic and loving. Evaluate these things and then list situations in your life when you behaved admirably and selflessly.

Be sure to list your positive characteristics and attributes. As you review your contribution to the situation that's causing you pain, remember to also keep in mind all of the times that you've been a positive force in the world.

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