How come I get suicidal thoughts even though deep down I honestly do NOT want to die?

Please do not hesitate to call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). I want you to know that virtually every person that I have talked with who attempted suicide, and survived, was glad that they lived. So the emotions that were causing the suicidal feelings did pass.

Things got better; the sun did come out. So, let me extend that hope to you. If you are in intense emotional and/or physical pain, remember that your judgment is being clouded by that pain.

If you are considering suicide, you are trying to end that pain. Please do not confuse ending your pain with ending your life. The two are very different.

Let me also tell you that if you are suicidal, you probably are suffering from clinical depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, postpartum depression, PTSD, or something similar. You actually have a chemical imbalance in your brain -- and you cannot possibly think straight because of it. That is beyond your control.

You are not weak. You just need some treatment. This imbalance can occur for several reasons, from genetics to a traumatic life experience, and it is extremely common for people to have this imbalance, so do not feel like you are alone.

You are not. This imbalance may be rectified in several ways, but first you need to be assessed so that the cause may be understood. I would request that you please go to a medical doctor.

The doctor can determine if there is a secondary problem (such as a thyroid problem) that is causing the imbalance. If so, medication may be prescribed to you. Next, you should visit a therapist.

This will allow another assessment to occur and will also allow you to begin talking about your feelings. If the therapist determines that you need a prescription, he or she may refer you to someone who may assist you in that area. Please leave the option open for taking medication.

Some people erroneously believe that they can simply use will power to control their suicidal feelings. The problem with this thinking is that, again, there is probably a chemical imbalance in the brain that needs to be treated with medicine. So let me ask you this, my friend.

If you had a broken leg, would you get treatment or would you just keep walking on it, writhing in pain, and trying to convince yourself that you just needed will power to overcome the pain? You would get treatment, and you would do so immediately. You would not even think twice about it.

And I would most respectfully submit to you that your situation is similar. If you are diagnosed with clinical depression, or something similar, then there is a physical cause for your condition. And you need to seek treatment immediately.

It is not just emotion. Please understand this, my friend. The brain, after all, is an organ.

And sometimes needs treatment. If you cannot afford to see a doctor or therapist, please seek out some clinics that have reduced rates. There are many affordable places to go.

You can call 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) to get listings for clinics in your area. You can also check in your phone book. After your initial assessment, you will need to see a therapist long enough to work through all of the issues that are bothering you.

Do not be in a hurry -- things will get better. You may feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster ride, but those ups and downs will level out. I want you to do something else that is very important.

Please make a commitment to stay alive. To not die by suicide, no matter what. Make this commitment for all of the people who care for you, and for yourself.

Remember that if you try to end your pain by ending your life, you will start a world of pain for the loved ones that you leave behind. And you will deprive yourself of many wonderful things that you have yet to experience. Thank you for making that commitment.

Now, I have told you the things that you should do. So, please get started. Please make an appointment right now to see a doctor and a therapist.

If you can't do it now, do it as soon as possible. I care about you very much, and I love you very much, so I want you to get better as soon as possible. One final thing.

Relax. That's right. Relax.

Take some deep breaths and do something that you enjoy that relaxes you. Take a bath. Go for a walk.

Listen to some nice music. Just take it easy. And engage in these activities that relax you on a regular basis.

And let me tell you, my friend, you are on your way. On your way to a better life.

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