Okay so like 9 months ago this guy I had been seeing for 3 yrs, tells me he needs space and will be staying at his own apartment?

Unless there was some domestic aspect of him moving out, that couldn't be resolved, like you are tidy and he is a slob the "own space" thing sounds like a breakup to me. He can't have it both ways and it seems like you have been getting mixed messages from him ever since. I does seem odd that he was offended not to be invited to the wedding, again I think it points to him wanting his cake and eat it.

I have a feeling that if you had been prepared to accept a relationship, with him calling all the shots you would still be seeing him now, but that is not going to make you happy in the long term, he would have you at his beck and call, not a good place to be. If possible why not take a complete break from him for long enough to give you time to cool your emotions down about this guy? Then if you still feel the need to see him, give him a call, keeping it casual, and see what reception you get.

If it's all friendly, you could suggest meeting sometime for a drink and take it from there, but keep it on your terms. One other thing you could do in the meantime, which may sound daft, but might help you be more realistic about his good and bad points is; write them down. Make two columns 1) Good points; generous, funny, supportive, whatever.

2) Bad points; Bad tempered git, leaves dirty socks on the floor, has never put the toilet seat down, etc. Over a few days you should have loads of them! You can the see which one out weighs the other. Don't waste too much time over this guy if the relationship is looking like a lost cause, life really is too short.

I say move on. Why would you want to subject yourself to someone who wants his "space" and the convenience of stringing you along. I think if he really wanted this to work he would have made every effort to let you know that.

If there was a problem between him and your daughter and he moved out simply to ease that situation then he should have told you that. I just simply think that people say they need space when they aren't interested. It's usually an easy way to end a relationship or cool a relationship without telling the other person "I just don't want to be monogamous."

By not totally ending your relationship he still keeps the option open to return when he has no one else. I'm sorry I have had this happen to me in the past and I just don't see this relationship coming to any good end.

It doesn't sound like he loves you, so I think you should just stop calling him and stop letting him use your body when he can't get another date. Love is what we do, not what we feel. I know you feel attached to him, and you probably do love him.

But from what you have said, he does not feel attached to you. If he did, he wouldn't have moved out or he would have explained better if he moved out because of your daughter or some issue, as another poster pointed out. If he were loving you, then he would be making you feel special: complimenting you, praising you, saying sweet things, encouraging you.

Instead, he is hating on you, making you feel guilty. You can do better! You deserve better!

Let this loser drift off into the sunset.

Move on he did. You are a convience to him and you need to find someone who loves you also. Do you think he sits home lonely when you are not there.

He will never marry you.

I am only hearing your perspective. From what you described it sounds like he broke up with you 9 months ago, and since then used you a convenient "booty call. " Which if you are down with it, can be a nice arrangement for two consenting adults.

I suspect though, that you are NOT down with it, and yearn for a deeper commitment. The intriguing part is his desire to be at your daughter's wedding - that's when I thought, hmmmmmm, it would be interesting to hear his perspective. Because THAT sounds like the behavior of someone who classifies himself as your partner.(Whether or not it was appropriate for him to be there, that's a whole separate issue.) If you still love him and want this to work, I suggest you read this book called "Non-violent communication" by Marshall Rosenberg BEFORE you have any further conversations with this person.

If you find it too painful to be jerked around, take your golden moment - and don't call him. Let your heart have some time to get over him. Only you know if you are better off with him or without him.

I recommend the book either way, because non-violent communication is really useful skill for any person to have - helps me talk to my ex-husband, do customer service, and work with friends and relatives as well.

I have a friend that I was very close to. We talked every morning and while he lived in California and I in Tennessee we had a string friendship. Blossoming.

Then he said that one day I would find someone local and it would grow. But we would remain friends, because after all that is what we were. Then I met my husband and I really didn’t want to loose his friendship.

I sent cards, letters, emails and ade calls. But we just grew distant. It was not like either fi of us really ended anything, we just had life in between.

I still consider him a great friend and I would love for him to see how my daughter has grown, since he watched her grow up. I think when people are not open and tell each other why they are in a hurt mode, or moody or talk when something is bothering them it becomes the wedge. If I were in your shoes, I would call him or make an appointment to see him and explain EVERYTHING!

Lay it out on the table that you want to keep the friendship. And after all isn’t unloading what friendship is about. Sometimes starting anew, like you were strangers can help things along.

If the distance from this person is really hurting this much and you think there has been a great misunderstanding, then you should certainly try to talk to him and explain your views of the relationship past and present. Let him know how you felt at the time when you thought he just wanted to be friends and what precisely made you feel this way. Did he act in a certain manner that caused you to deduce that he was not particularly interested in a committed relationship?

Be honest and allow him to discover your true feelings. You have nothing to lose (if you both are already distanced and not speaking) and everything to gain. At worst, you will find that he had or has no intentions of getting back together with you and at best, you will win him over and will be able to restart your relationship the way you had desired from the beginning.

If he is worth fighting for, he will appreciate your honesty and respect your for trying to resuscitate what may be left of your relationship. If he is ignorant of your attempts, then he doesn’t deserve you.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.